


100 Marred

by BandGeek727



Category: Buzz Lightyear of Star Command (Cartoon)
Genre: 100 Themes Challenge, Angst, Character Death, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Fluff, Marred, Not at the same time, Robot/Human Relationships, Robots, character death doesn't last
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-14 18:55:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21020630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BandGeek727/pseuds/BandGeek727
Summary: Some years back, I started working on a 100 Theme Challenge for Marred from BLoSC. For some prompts, I did pics; for others, I wrote fics; and for still others, I made vids.These are the fics.





	1. 75. Rejection

He sat alone in a dark corner of some closet, unable to stop his hands from shaking.

He'd finally snapped earlier that day. He'd finally reached a breaking point, hadn't been able to take it any longer. He'd cornered Mira in the break room and proceeded to pour out everything he'd ever felt for her. He told her everything, how he admired her, how he adored her, how he wanted her… As he rambled on, he could hear himself sounding increasingly pathetic, but he couldn't stop himself now… The surprise on Mira's face had slowly morphed into something slightly resembling repulsion, and panicked, he'd rushed onward, his tone increasingly desperate, until he'd finally lunged forward, grabbed her around the waist and begged her to accept him.

…Okay, even he had to admit, that probably hadn't been the best way of going about it, but still. He hadn't been thinking clearly, he had felt her slipping away from him, and he'd just panicked. At that point she'd gasped and pulled back. She'd reached down and tried to pry his hands away from her; gently, at first, and more and more forcefully when he refused to let go. She'd said all kinds of things about just being friends, how she didn't see him as anything more than that, how she cared about him but just didn't feel the same way. And in his vulnerable state, these things had only served to upset him. He'd cried, he'd pleaded, he'd begged her at least to try to feel the same way, all the time tightening his hold on her, leaning forward as she continued to pull back. He was aware his voice had started to rise, and now she was even starting to look scared… but he couldn't stop, not now, this was his only chance – if he blew it now, it was all over…  
The next thing he knew he was leaning against thin air; she had ghosted out of his arms, slid sideways out of his vice-grip and left him to fall hard on his helmet. He'd looked up and around – she was standing in the doorway, looking angry now. She'd fixed him with a serious stare and told him in no uncertain terms exactly why it couldn't work between them. And then she'd turned and left without a single glance backwards.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed then, how long he'd stayed frozen where he'd fallen, staring where she had been. All he knew was that finally something had kicked in – pride, probably – which forced him to pick himself up off the floor and go hide somewhere before someone saw him like that.  
He sighed down at his hands. His whole body was trembling slightly; tears were pricking at the corners of his eyes.

That was what he got, really. That was what he got for taking a chance. For putting himself out on the line. You only got hurt by doing that; he should have known that by now. No one wanted to hear about his personal problems, no one wanted to hear about what he was going through. That was what he got, really, for daring to show emotion.

He wasn't supposed to show emotion, after all. He was just a robot. His feelings didn't matter. He wasn't supposed to have them in the first place.  
He sighed heavily. Well, at least he'd learned his lesson. He'd never open up to anyone ever again.

They'd just reject him, anyway.


	2. 82. Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> XR's thoughts as he watches Mira become queen.

Her Majesty.

Her Royal Highness.

Queen of Tangea.

No, no, that wasn't right, she was just Mira, just _Mira…_

Those other words didn't fit her at all, they just weren't _her…_

He guessed he'd just never made the connection before. Of course, he'd always known she was a princess, but he'd just never thought about what that ultimately meant. And she'd always seemed to want to distance herself from her status. She'd always insisted she be treated the same as every other ranger, hated it if someone called her "Princess." Heck, he'd even done it sometimes just to watch her get frustrated. But he'd never actually taken it seriously. It had all just been a joke.

But he wasn't laughing now, standing in the Tangean palace. She'd insisted that her team be present at her coronation… and this time there was really no one there to object. He'd initially been relieved that for once they wouldn't be treated as inferiors, wouldn't be excluded from something important in Mira's life; but standing there he'd started to wonder if it wouldn't have been easier to wait outside.

Because, as he watched her, realization sunk in that things would never be the same again. He was used to having her around, to seeing her every day. But now he was wondering how long it would be before he saw her again; if he'd even see her again at all. He had just assumed she'd always be there. He'd never known it any other way.

Even after her father died, he hadn't given much thought to how things would change. She'd been upset, of course, more upset than he'd ever seen her, and of course he'd tried to say comforting words (though admittedly Buzz and Booster did a better job of that). But it just hadn't registered even then what was going to happen. He'd just assumed this was just a temporary flux in the natural order of things and in a few days everything would be back to the way it always was.  
Now, as he watched her, that just seemed foolish. Really, what had he been thinking? That she'd abdicate her throne? That she'd stay a space ranger, shirk her responsibilities to her people, just stay with him forever?

…Yeah, that sounded about right, actually.

But that was impossible, he thought as he stared up at her. Already she looked different; she seemed more serious, almost solemn. She wasn't a space ranger anymore. She wasn't just Mira. No, now she was Queen Mira. And with queens come kings and then come heirs… He shuddered inwardly. Heirs… he would never be able to give her those. He didn't stand a chance at being with her now. …Not that he'd had much of a chance before, but still… It had been possible. Sure it had. But not anymore. No, now there was no chance. She belonged to a different world now, one he could never be a part of. She'd never be his.

He stared intently at her, watching as they placed what seemed to him to be an overly-ornamental crown over her strangely-made-up hair.

_Queen_ Mira.

He'd never get used to that.


	3. 18. 67%

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Oh why should anything so easy  
Ever be so hard to do_

_Scanning Message… 67 Percent Complete_

XR drummed his fingers impatiently against the table. He sat with his helmet in his hand, leaning heavily on his elbow, staring at that little blue bar. That little blue bar was testing his sanity. It hadn't moved for a good quarter of an hour. He was wasting his life staring at it.

But he couldn't stop.

Some vague little flicker of hope in the back of his mind told him to wait, any minute now the message would go through, it would only take another second… just give it another minute… these things take time, you know, just be patient… And every time he tried to stand up and walk away from the screen that voice came back, rooting him to his seat, telling him to wait just a few more seconds, surely it wouldn't be long now…

He groaned at the screen. This was boring and pointless. And yet he couldn't tear himself away from it. Because of _her._

This was all Mira's fault, really.

If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't be sitting there, staring at that infuriating little blue bar, every circuit in his system tensed in anticipation.  
Because telling her face-to-face was out of the question. It had simply proved to be impossible. Every time he thought about trying, he failed to come up with the right words. Every time he tried approaching her, he lost his nerve. What was he supposed to say to her, anyway? And what was he supposed to do if her reaction was negative? And what would happen to their friendship after that? He was toeing a fine line, he knew… a single wrong move could ruin their relationship.

And yet… if he never took that chance, he'd always wonder what could have happened… That vague little flicker of hope was persistent and kept telling him to take a chance, that it was always possible, and he'd never know unless he gave it a shot…

And he _wanted_ to know. He could admit that; he wanted to know how she felt about him, he wanted to know if he had even a glimmer of a chance. Sometimes the urge to know became so strong he felt he'd explode if he kept it to himself any longer. Sometimes he came close to blurting out everything he felt for her, to asking the question just to get it over with, to get it out in the open. But every time he came close fear would rise up and override any hopeful fantasies. He was scared to know; he could admit that. He was afraid of what she'd say, afraid of being rejected, afraid of estranging her forever. So, it came down either to keeping his emotions locked up forever and forever feeling empty, unsatisfied – or laying it all out on the line and risking the loss of one of his best friends, one of his _few_ friends. And sometimes he honestly didn't know which one would be worse. It kept him up nights sometimes, that constant war between hope and fear, head and heart, in which neither ever emerged victorious and he just ended up feeling tired and spent.

It was exhausting, really. Who knew simple thoughts and emotions could be so draining.

There would be days when he felt _anything_ would be better than this constant internal struggle, anything would be better that this self-torment. These were the days he considered some course of action, some way of voicing how he felt, putting his emotions out there in hopes of getting some kind of response – _any_ kind of response, even a negative one, if it would help put these feelings at ease.

Talking to her was out of the question. But maybe he could try sending her a message. Maybe it would help him organize his thoughts if he could write them down. Besides, sending her an e-mail would alleviate the problem of having to see her reaction. If it put her off, well, then, she wouldn't talk to him about it and maybe they could both just pretend it never happened and they could get on with their lives. And if… just maybe… if she had feelings too… Hope won out for the moment and he rushed to the nearest personal computer terminal.

He didn't have much time to spare before they went out on patrol. He'd sat down and typed up a few hasty sentiments, immediately decided he didn't like how they sounded, went to stand up, had an insistent little voice remind of countless sleepless nights, and punched the Send button before he could change his mind. Again.

He just had to get it over with, that was all. He just had to send the e-mail before he could think about it too much.

But this little blue bar was giving him far too much time to think.

He stared at the screen, pounding his fingers against the table, groaning in frustration. This was taking far too long, what if someone came in here and caught him, asked him what he was doing… he was in no condition to answer questions like that. He should just stop… But wait, what if it's just about to send, just give it a few more seconds… Right, of course, as long as he had time left, he should wait for it. He went over his message in his head, trying to think of ways he could make it sound better. There was still a chance to get out of this, he could come back later and take his time on it… Maybe he was being too hasty. The cursor hovered over the Cancel button… No, wait, just a few more moments, look, sixty-seven percent, that's over halfway…

XR let out a flustered sigh and slouched back in his chair. That voice was right, after all, he just had to get it over with, but it was just taking _so darn long…_

"XR?"

_Mira._

His voice box generated some high-pitched cry of panic. He shot up as if he'd just received an electric shock and lunged for the screen.

"XR, what are you doing?"

She was closer now, she'd see the screen and she'd ask him about it…

"NOTHING!" It came out far louder than he'd intended. Mother of Venus, he was in way over his head…

The cursor came down on Cancel and the blue bar disappeared.

He sat back, staring wide-eyed at the Inbox, feeling strangely like his battery had just been drained. Mira came up beside him, peering interestedly at the   
screen. "Who was that e-mail for?"

"No one," he squeaked.

She tilted her head questioningly. "Why were you writing an e-mail?"

He slumped down in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. "No reason."

"What were you doing in here?"

"Nothing."

"Where've you been all morning?"

"Nowhere."  
She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at him. "Is there a reason you won't answer me?"

He sat silent for a moment, thinking, considering… What if he just told her now… The words were still fresh in his mind, he could just get it over with… He could tell her, couldn't he?

"No," he finally muttered.

She sighed heavily. "Okay, fine then. We're leaving now – care to join us?"

"Sure."

She turned to leave, then considered him for a moment. "Are you okay?"

No. "Yes."

"You sure?"  
"Yes."  
She didn't look convinced, but didn't press him any further either. "Okay… well, we have to go," she said, heading back across the room.

He stayed in his seat, his eyes fixed on the spot the blue bar had been. He'd come so close, so close… If it wasn't for that stupid little bar, he might have been able to get it over with, might finally have been able to let those feelings go… Maybe this was a sign, the universe telling him it wasn't meant to be… maybe that little blue bar had just saved him from a lifetime of embarrassment and awkwardness…

But then again, he'd never know…

"XR? Are you coming?"

He logged out of his Inbox, pushing himself up out of the chair. "Yeah. I'm coming." He turned and followed her out of the room, hanging his head in defeat.

_He hated not knowing…_

But then again… she'd never know either.


	4. 78. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say you never know what you've got 'til it's gone.

She told everyone she wanted to be alone. She'd be fine, she said, she just needed some time to herself, after… what happened…

It shouldn't have been a big deal. It really shouldn't have. It had happened before, dozens of times. And they'd always managed to put him back together. It had happened before, _dozens_ of times… And they'd always, _always…_

No. No, this time had been different. Even then, she'd known it. The explosion had ripped him to pieces. Reduced him to absolute scrap. No, it shouldn't have been a problem, it really shouldn't have, it had happened before, plenty of times… But this time… Even then, something hadn't felt right. Usually they could find a limb, if not his whole body, then at least his head, or something… But no. Not this time. This time, all they could find were parts, scattered everywhere. It shocked her how far away they got from the site of the explosion and were still finding pieces. They searched for hours, until it became hard to tell what was XR and what was just rubbish. They regrouped and pooled all the parts they'd found – even then, she knew something was wrong, there had to be more to him than that – and, still holding onto a vague hope that everything would turn out okay, they'd headed back to Star Command.

Where the LGMs made that condemning announcement.

There was no chance of restoring him. None at all. Even if they built him a new body… his brain chip had been destroyed. Smashed to dust. Sure, they could always build a new body, and they could always program a new chip… but the fact remained that it would never be him.

_He_ was gone.

They'd lost him.

She sat on the edge of her bed, staring blankly into the floor. Fragments of the LGMs' report kept playing in her head, over and over…

_Damage too extensive… no chance of repair… all data lost…_

No. No, that couldn't be right… That was wrong, it had to be wrong, they could always, always fix him, they'd always been able to before… What was stopping them now?

_Damage too extensive…_

Too extensive… In the end, it'd just been too much. She moaned and covered her eyes. What had made them think it could go on forever like that? What had made them think he was somehow invulnerable to stress, that he had a limitless number of accidents in him, that it didn't matter how many times he was literally ripped apart, he'd just never wear down? What made her think he'd never… that there was no chance he'd ever…

_No chance…_

He was the only one for the job, they'd said. The only one who could diffuse that bomb, the only one who even stood a chance of making it out alive. She gave a hollow laugh at the irony of it all. It sounded strange and out-of-place. Why hadn't anyone stopped to think that maybe this mission was too dangerous for _anyone?_ Why had she… why had _they_ been just fine evacuating the area and leaving him to deal with it? That was pretty harsh – she'd been pretty harsh, when she thought about it… She didn't _want_ to think about it, but she couldn't help imagining what it had been like for him, in those last few moments, trapped with no one around, just a giant explosive device… Had he tried to escape? Had he tried to call for them? Or had he been calm? Did he think he'd be okay, just like he'd always been? Was he, like everyone else, assured he'd make it out alive? Or… did the thought actually cross his mind that this could be the end? Did he fear death? Did he ever… think about things like that? Why didn't she know these things, why had she never asked him about it? Did he wonder why no one was coming for him? She could have come for him, she thought with a guilty stab. With another agonized moan she slumped over, burying her face in her hands. She could have prevented it… She could have helped him, she could have ghosted him out of there, if only she'd been paying attention, if only she'd stopped to think…

But no. She'd never thought… never even considered the possibility…

_All data lost…_

…that they could lose him… But they had lost him, hadn't they? Lost him for ever… He was gone, gone for good, and he was never, never coming back… A cold, empty feeling bloomed in the pit of her stomach and grew as she realized… she'd never see him again, she'd never talk to him again, she'd never…

_No chance…_

She'd never told him how much he meant to her. She'd never bothered, thought there'd always be time… Because there was always a chance, because by tomorrow, today's petty arguments wouldn't mean anything, any spiteful words would be forgotten… And yeah, okay they did have a tendency to bicker a lot. Yeah, okay, he could be annoying and infuriating and sexist. Sure, he got on her nerves sometimes. But he was one of her best friends. He made her laugh. He got her through Buzz's boring lectures. He could ease the dullness of even the most routine missions just through his dry commentary. And, in all candor, he was just fun to have around. Okay, yes, he made a point of flirting with everyone woman he saw, and sure, she'd always found it kind of shallow and annoying, but… But did she really have to yell at him for it? He wasn't hurting anybody, he was just trying to get attention… And now she'd never get a chance to apologize. She wasn't mad at him, she really didn't hate him… She didn't mean those things, she'd never meant them, why did she say them, he didn't deserve to hear that, he didn't, he… he didn't do anything wrong, why did she yell at him… why, _WHY_ had she yelled at him, he hadn't even DONE anything, she'd just snapped at him, for no reason, and now he was gone and the last thing she'd ever said to him had been _so mean…_

A heavy sob escaped her. She didn't hate him, she _didn't hate him,_ why had she said that, _why…_ So what if he'd wanted to flirt with her, it was harmless, he was just trying to get her attention, she didn't _hate_ him for it, she didn't _hate him, she didn't hate him…_

She didn't… she didn't hate him, she didn't… she'd never…

She'd never get a chance to tell him… never… never see him again, never hear his voice, never hold his hand when he needed someone… when he'd needed her, and she hadn't… but it hadn't been because she wanted him gone, it hadn't been because she… she didn't… she needed to tell him, tell him the truth, he needed to know…

She felt cold all over now, and that emptiness was overwhelming… Bitter tears slid down her face and dropped into her lap, and she just sat there crying, because for once she didn't know what to do, because she'd never known it was possible to feel so empty, to feel so strongly that something was missing, that something was… gone…

She let out a heavy sigh; if there was just a chance of finding him, she'd search the galaxy if she could, just to have him back, she'd give anything to have him back, to see him again, to hear him, hold him, talk to him… but no matter where she'd look, she'd never find him… never…

He was gone.


	5. 77. Are You Challenging Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> XR asks Mira to dance. It proves to be... somewhat of a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to my original notes, I listened to "So Close" from Disney's Enchanted to help me write this one. Thinking about that now really takes me back. ^_^
> 
> I imagine this one taking place near the beginning of their relationship.

He didn't know why he felt so nervous. _He_ was the one who'd asked _her_ to dance, after all. Wasn't that what you were supposed to do at one of these ball things? And anyway, it was the perfect excuse to spend some time with her. There was music, there was dancing, the setting was… well, if not romantic, then at least convenient… no one would think it odd if he asked her to dance here. Perfect.

…And, of course, there was the small matter that he was bored. Really bored. Absolutely no question about-to-go-out-of-his-head bored. And judging by the way she'd been slumped against the wall all night, she was bored too. They'd been assigned this dull mission simply for security purposes; Madame President was hosting some kind of party for some reason and the place was packed with notables. Buzz had spent the evening going from one dignitary to another, talking excitedly about the Galactic Alliance and whatnot. Booster was probably trailing his hero, hanging on every word… or, more likely, he was off stuffing his face at the buffet table. XR allowed himself a little snicker at the thought. And since neither of those options appealed to either of _them, they'd_ been stuck against the wall – all night. So when she'd let out the most aggravated sigh he'd ever heard, he figured that was his chance. If she was that desperate for something to do, maybe she wouldn't turn him down.

Sure enough, when he'd asked her she'd given him a look that said _anything_ would be better than just standing there – even dancing with him. …Not the greatest response he could have gotten, but hey, he'd take what he could get.

She'd given him her hand and he'd led her out onto the edge of the dance floor, where he now stood staring at her, unable to explain the nervousness that had suddenly erupted inside him. Dancing was easy, right? _They_ were all doing it, he should be able to, right?

Although… okay, she was a lot taller than him. Hmm. He brought himself up to her height and his whole body just sort of seized up. It hit him suddenly, like a wrecking ball… this was Mira on the dance floor with him, Mira had actually agreed to do something sort of couple-y with him, he'd been wishing for this since the day he'd met her, and now that he was facing her his mind was completely blanking. Mira was eyeing him strangely, expectantly, like he should know how to do this… And he _should_ know, dangit… but… well, this was the first time anyone'd ever said yes.

Okay, well, the moment was getting awkward, he'd better do something… Anxiously he wrapped one arm around her waist and took her hand in his. She placed her free hand lightly on his shoulder. He noticed with some surprise that her hands were shaking slightly and forced himself not to wonder why that might be.

Well, okay, he was holding her now. And he had absolutely no idea where to go from there. She was looking confused and anxious, and he didn't know what to do, but he couldn't let her know that, she'd think he was an idiot… Out of the corner of his eye he watched a couple nearby and tried to pick up on what exactly they were doing. After a while he concluded that moving his feet seemed like a good place to start. Nervously he jerked one foot forward. She hadn't been paying attention; her foot didn't move and consequently was run over. She yelped and he quickly drew back, stammering out an earnest apology. The couple nearest them began to snicker. He gave a nervous cough, squirming uncomfortably.

So. That didn't go well at all. And now he was back to square one, scared and uncertain and not wanting to mess up – _again._ She was watching him carefully now, preparing herself for his next move. He swallowed hard and tried to clear his thoughts of the doubt that filled them, forcing himself instead to try and think this through logically. …Okay, so this was dancing. This was not like normal movement. So… he couldn't move like he normally did. Maybe he should… maybe he should try picking his feet up. That's what everybody else was doing, after all. Slowly he lifted one foot, making sure to leave ample time for her to get out of the way. This time it worked; she moved her foot back and he carefully set his down without hurting anything. He gasped in shock and relief, beaming out of sheer joy that he'd gotten it right. To his surprise, she actually gave him a tentative smile back. His spirits rose; he picked up his other foot, she followed – it worked! He tried it again; this time he listened to the music, this time he let the rhythm permeate his senses and before long he'd picked up on the beat, moving along with the melody. This wasn't so difficult after all. Yeah, he could totally do this! It was easy once he cleared his mind of all thoughts except the music… well, the music and… and her…

He was so close to her, he couldn't remember another time he'd actually been this close to her before… They usually didn't spend so much time face-to-face, he usually didn't get to stand by her at eye level for so long… She was beautiful, her hair was so smooth and shiny, and her eyes were captivating, those bright sapphire eyes… they'd never left his for a moment… She was good at this dancing thing, too, very graceful – he remembered with a fresh outbreak of nerves that it probably had to do with the royalty in her – this just came so easily to her, once he got the hang of it there was nothing to hold her back… Everything about her was just so remarkable… Her hands were soft and warm and… he hadn't even noticed til now, they weren't trembling anymore… It felt so good, to hold her close to him… So this was why couples went out dancing, he never wanted to let her go, he didn't want this night to end… Maybe this would make her see that it was possible to have fun with him, that it wasn't so bad to be alone with him, that they could find something to enjoy, just the two of them…

His imagination began to overrule his concentration; his next confidently-placed step came too fast and he brought his foot down hard on hers. She let out a cry of discomfort, buckling slightly under the blow. Panic shot through him and he pulled back immediately, apologizing profusely. She shook her head and assured him it was okay, wincing just the same. The next couple over broke into peals of laughter. He hung his head. He was ruining everything with Mira, she'd never want to talk to him again… He stared down at his stupid, clumsy feet, blinking back tears of humiliation, too absorbed in his misery to notice the glare Mira was shooting at the other couple…

He suddenly felt her wrap her arms around him and pull him close to her. She rested her head against his helmet and began swaying in place to the music. His eyes widened; he stood still in shock for a moment before a wide smile spread across his face. He let out a long, contented sigh and closed his eyes, snuggling against her side of his helmet and pulling her closer. All thoughts of anyone or anything else left his mind completely as he let himself lose all track of time, savoring this moment. Mmm, this was nice. She was soft and warm and so nice to hold… Oh yeah, he could easily stay right here for the rest of the night.

He was so glad they'd been assigned this mission.


	6. 13. Fairy Tale

"Look alive, Rangers!"

Buzz's voice could barely be heard over the deafening roar of falling rocks. He and his team were speeding along through a narrow canyon on some stupid uncharted planet. The gorge twisted and turned every few feet, making it a real pain in the chassis to navigate. The incredible danger they had so valiantly charged into was intensified by the terrible landslide that rampaged all around them. Huge boulders fell down the cliff sides, tumbling into the chasm below. The din was intolerable, the constant threat of disaster unbearably nerve-wracking.

XR tried to focus instead on the many accolades he was sure to receive for voluntarily putting himself in such a dangerous position.

Behind him, Booster was able to smash straight through an oncoming boulder. He gave a long, low whistle.

"Wow, that was a close one!" he called cheerfully.

XR shot his friend an incredulous look, then turned to their leader. "Remind me again, Buzz – _WHY_ did we have to come to this death trap of a planet?"

"Because, XR, Zurg's latest weapon of evil is hidden somewhere on this rock. We've gotta find it'n destroy it!"

"Of course we do, but does it have to be now? Couldn't we, I don't know, come back when there's not so much imminent doom all around?" he said, swerving out of the path of a particularly large boulder.

"Any mission involving the Evil Emperor is bound to be dangerous. It's just part of our job," Buzz replied evenly.

"Yeah, but… isn't there a little too much danger?"

He glanced around at his teammates for support. Mira shrugged and sped up beside their captain.

"Buzz, don't you think it's possible Zurg could be setting a trap?"

"Not a chance, Mira; I have it under the best of intelligences that _this_ is the location of Zurg's latest weapon. It has to be somewhere around here…"  
Mira glanced back at XR, who shrugged and dodged a falling rock.

"Well, wherever it is, we'd better find it before my warranty expires!" he called out, navigating his way through a shower of little stones.

"Excellent idea, Ranger!" Buzz shouted back to him. He squinted up ahead, then called out, "There's a fork in the gorge there, let's split up! Booster, you and I go this way, Mira, XR, head left!"

Mira saluted, Booster replied with a hearty "Yes sir, Buzz!" and XR merely shrugged. He veered off in the direction Mira was heading, narrowly avoiding disaster by speeding out of the way of a huge boulder at the last moment.

"Well this is just great!" he shouted. "Why couldn't Zurg've hidden this thing in a meadow, or something?"

"Because, XR, then anyone could've found it and we wouldn't have to be out here right now," she called back lightly.

"Oh, and we all know what a tragedy _that_ would be!" he shot back.

"Come on, get serious. The sooner we find this thing, the sooner we can leave."

"But we don't even know if it's here!" he insisted. "There's nothing on this rock! Why didn't anyone scan for signs of technology before we came down here?"  
"Would you just…" she started, but paused as the impact of his words hit her. Her eyes lit up. "That's actually a really good idea! I don't know why none of us thought of it… Okay, you fly up out of here and scan the area, see if you can find anything."

"What are you gonna do?"

She chewed her lip thoughtfully, scanning the canyon walls. Suddenly she pointed up ahead of them. "There's some sort of cave over there. Down there – right _there,_ see it? I'll go check it out."

He glanced in the direction she was pointing and little alarm bells went off in his head. He didn't know why, but he had an overwhelming sense that that cave meant danger. Something bad would happen there, oh yes, he could tell…

"You want me to come with you?" He said it without thinking.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Why, scared to go off on your own?"

"What? N-no, no, I'm not _scared,"_ he stammered.

"Alright then, go up there and scan, and tell me if you find anything."

"Okay… but be careful." He honestly didn't know why he said it, just that he'd felt he needed to.

"You too," she called back as she headed for the cave.

He watched her disappear into it, then sped up out of the canyon. Hey, if nothing else, it got him away from those stupid rocks. He hovered at the surface and scanned the widest radius he could manage for any source of technology. After a few moments of no results, he let out a frustrated groan and headed back to Mira. He found her standing before the mouth of the cave and saying something into her wrist communicator.

"Mira, I don't…"

He stopped mid-sentence; there was an enormous rockslide, a solid wall of boulders, tumbling straight toward her. Her back was turned – she hadn't noticed them.

"MIRA, LOOK OUT!"

He made a dive for her, scooping her up in his arms and swooping up out of the rockslide's path. The cliffside came tumbling down, crashing into the place she'd been just moments before.

She yelped, clutching his shoulders as she took in the wreckage with wide eyes. Her breath came in short, rapid gasps as the shock of what had just happened gradually wore off. Slowly her gaze shifted from the fallen boulders to her rescuer.

"XR… you saved me…" she whispered breathlessly.

He shrugged lightly. "Yeah, well…"

His voice trailed off. The ability to speak – and the need to do so, for that matter – seemed to leave him completely as Mira gazed up at him. Her eyes were wide and bright; they locked with his and never once glanced away. Mother of Venus, she was beautiful, he couldn't seem to think of anything else except how close they were… it didn't even occur to him to question why she wasn't trying to squirm out of his grasp, why instead her arms were encircling his neck… All he knew was he loved that they were so close, and getting closer, and closer, closer still and before he knew it, their lips were touching… And it was better than he'd ever dreamed before; he held her close, he could do this forever…

She pulled away first, beaming up at him. "Mm, XR, you're such a good kisser!"

It was as if every fantasy he'd ever had had suddenly come true. "Right back at ya, baby!" he said, grinning broadly.

She giggled and snuggled into his arms, making him melt. "I can't believe we're actually doing this," she whispered, sounding apprehensive and excited at the same time.

"I know," he murmured back. "I've been wanting this for so long."

She put her hands on his face, pulling him closer. "So have I."

"…You- you have?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Wow… Mira, I – I don't know what to say…"

"Don't say anything, just kiss me again…"

"XR?"

"YAAAHH!"

The plastic figures fell from XR's hands and clattered across the table in front of him. He clutched his empty hands to his chest, trying to recover from the shock his system had just received. He swiveled around in his seat just in time to see Buzz striding into the conference room. Buzz crossed the near-empty space in seconds, stopping next to his smallest teammate. He took in the robot's panicked expression and the toys spread out on the table. There were four of them; one of him, one of each of his teammates, even the stunned one sitting before him. Buzz raised an eyebrow.

"What were you doing?"

"Uhhh…"

XR swallowed hard, trying urgently to come up with some sort of explanation. His mind, which had been so full of wild and creative thoughts a moment ago, suddenly seemed to have been wiped completely blank. Awkward and uncomfortable and desperate for something to do, he reached out and set two of the toys upright again, moving them around lamely. Strangely enough this simple action gave him an idea.

"I was just, uhh… I, umm… was just… w-working on battle strategies…"

He trailed off and stared hopefully up into his captain's face. Buzz considered him for a moment, then nodded. "Good man." He thumped XR on the back and left.

XR listened until the sound of Buzz's footsteps had faded away before he let out a relieved sigh, slumping down in his seat. He could hardly believe Buzz had actually fallen for that. He surveyed the action figures in front of him – lifeless, emotionless bits of plastic. A soft moan escaped his lips, sounding small and lonely in the big empty room. Why did he do stuff like this? Was he crazy? Was he stupid? Or was he… just that pathetic?

He slouched over the table, his mind still reeling from the abrupt jolt back to reality. Pathetic, that had to be it. Too desperate and insecure to face actual reality, preferring to lose himself in a fantasy. If Buzz hadn't walked in on him, he'd probably still be at it, too. Creating the truths he wanted, exactly the way he wanted them, where for a moment he could pretend they weren't impossible.

Reaching out over the table he picked up the Mira doll, cradling her in his hand. He turned the toy back and forth in his palm, studying it from different angles, thinking about the person it was meant to represent.

Pathetic… was that really it? Could he really be blamed for what he was doing? Could he help it that he liked her so much and this was the only way he could express that?

His fingers closed around the doll and he clutched her to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut. Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn't he make her see… Why did he have to resort to acting out his greatest wants, why couldn't they just happen? Honestly… they weren't _that_ outlandish. …Were they?

With another heavy sigh he opened up his storage compartment. First he tucked Mira away, carefully. Then he reached out over the table and in one big sweeping motion shoveled the rest of the toys in after her. He slid his service panel shut and slumped forward in his seat. One hand propped up his helmet; with the other he traced little circles on the table's surface.

He should probably go do something. Get out of this abandoned room and go do something constructive. See if his team needed him, maybe. He started to get up, but some feeling he couldn't quite identify made him sit back down. No, he'd wait a little longer. Just a few minutes. So he could get his bearings. He wasn't ready to face his teammates – especially _her_ – not just yet. Not with a fantasy so fresh in his mind. He'd just wait a few moments. He wasn't ready to face reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I had Booster interrupting him. I changed it to Buzz for two reasons:  
1\. funnier dialogue, and  
2\. that scene alone with Buzz in the briefing room in Little Secrets. XD


	7. 14. Eyes (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> XR, from Mira's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This little character study goes with the following chapter.

_Cause I could go across the world  
And see everything, and never be satisfied  
If I couldn't see those eyes_  
~Jonas Brothers, _Hello Beautiful_

There were things about him that absolutely stunned her.

His eyes, for instance.

By all reasoning, his eyes should _not_ be that expressive. He was a robot, a machine, an artificial creation. His eyes were nothing more than metal and lights. It was all programming, not actual life. Just a very good imitation.

It was difficult to remember that when she watched his eyes.

They could widen in fear or anticipation, they narrowed when he was angry, they even pinched up at the top when he was sad. She supposed it could be written off as just absurdly good craftsmanship – how the LGMs could create a metal that was that flexible was beyond her. But there was more to his eyes than the science behind their design. The way they reacted to situations – the way _he_ reacted – was so sincere, so instinctual, so _human…_ She simply couldn't accept it as mere programming when he pounded on the vending machine. There could be no scientific benefit, no logical purpose, in telling a robot to do something like that.

And that was just it; the way he responded to outside events was _not_ logical.

He was ruled by his emotions. His OWN emotions. Nobody told him how to feel, what to do when things went wrong; or, if the did, he ignored them completely. In fact he had a tendency to overreact, to follow irrational impulsions that more often than not landed him in serious trouble. Trouble they sometimes had difficulty bailing him out of. Which didn't make sense, either.

If the ideal ranger followed every order he was given, what was the point in creating a mechanical one with such a strong sense of free will? She'd never understand that.

She didn't think she'd ever fully understand _him._

For as long as they'd been friends, he'd never failed to surprise her. The depth of emotion his eyes seemed to hold still caught her off guard. She'd never forget the way they'd looked when he'd been awarded the Golden Planet commendation, by Nebula himself. Or when his AFD had been taken away from him.

Or when he'd told her he didn't know what he'd ever do without her.

She could tell herself it wasn't actual emotion all she wanted to. The fact was that she could never make herself actually believe it.

When she looked into his eyes, he didn't seem like just a machine.

When she looked into his eyes, he seemed alive.


	8. 15. Smile (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mira, from XR's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This little character study goes with the previous chapter.

_Everything sucks. Might as well find something to smile about._  
~Dr. Gregory House

_If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything._  
~Marilyn Monroe

Her smile.  
It was absolutely beautiful.

Of course, there were very few things about her he found not beautiful. Every single thing about her was attractive; her strength, her independence, her passion, her wit… Not to mention she was downright gorgeous. He even found her cute when she was mad – even more so if that anger wasn't directed at him.

But her smile…

He couldn't deny at this point that she entranced him. So many things about her could make him stare or fantasize or even slip and make a comment that usually resulted in a smack over the helmet.

But when she smiled he absolutely melted.

When she smiled, her whole face lit up. Her eyes sparkled like sapphires, her perfect little nose wrinkled up adorably. She became a vision of joy.

And if she was laughing… hoo boy, he was _gone._

And by some miracle, by some insane reversal of his typically horrid luck, she found him funny. He'd _actually_ succeeded in making her laugh on several different occasions. It was addicting, the high that came from knowing he'd done something that made her happy. It was a feeling he tried to recapture every chance he got.

But there was always some part of him that wished he could see a different kind of smile. Like the smile she'd had when she'd first seen her ex, Romac, after all those years of being away from him. The smile she even gave Buzz on occasion.

He knew his luck well enough to know the chances of _that_ were pretty slim.

And he supposed in the end it didn't really matter. Wishing things were different wouldn't change anything. And if things really did have to be a certain way, he could be grateful at least for the chance to know her.

The chance to be a part of her life.

To see her smile.


	9. 58. Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> XR and Mira are stuck in a car for the foreseeable future.
> 
> XR decides to take the opportunity to learn more about Mira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I distinctly remember writing this one because the dialogue flowed so well. It was an awesome feeling, to write like I was just listening to a conversation.
> 
> It's also more messing with canon than I tended to do back then, with all the stuff I made up about Mira.

Kate: Thanks very much, but you don't know me. And I don't know you.  
Harvey: That's _exactly_ why we should have lunch together.  
~Overture Films' _Last Chance Harvey_

XR drummed his fingers against the door, scowling.

He didn't understand why they had to drive to this place. Driving was so _slow…_ Going by jetpack would even be faster. In this tiny car, strapped down in this seat, he felt – confined, hindered somehow.

But this feeling of entrapment amounted to only half his frustration. Being forced into a car had become slightly less unappealing when he'd learned he'd be riding with Mira. Faced with the prospect of spending some time alone with her suddenly made driving seem like a very good idea indeed. Here was the perfect opportunity to talk with her, get to know her better – he'd have her alone for a good hour, at least, he could ask her whatever he wanted.

Twenty minutes down the road neither one of them had said anything.

His frown deepened. This was his big chance to get to know her better, and he couldn't think of _one good question._ XR crossed his arms forcefully and let out an aggravated sigh. He was _blowing this…_

"Something wrong?"

He actually jumped in his seat. "Oh – yeah, I was… just thinking."

"Oh? Um, what were you… thinking about?"

He stared at her. She was finally talking – he had to keep this going. Quick, what had he been thinking about… Well, he'd been thinking about how great it was that he'd gotten her alone – no, he couldn't say that, that sounded creepy – but he had to say _something_ "I wanted to ask you… uhh, read any good books lately?"

He mentally smacked himself. So much for deep insightful questions.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Well- actually, yeah, I found this weird novel that turned out to be really interesting."

He gaped at her. Did that- just work? "Oh… yeah? What, umm, what was it about?"

"Well… it was… it's kinda hard to explain." She chewed her lip thoughtfully. "There's this girl who's kind of shunned by society because she has green skin."  
He raised his eyebrows. "That's odd." He'd met plenty of green chicks, most of them were quite attractive.

"Yeah, I know… but it was actually really good," she said, shrugging.

"Oh. …Well, uhh… Maybe I'll read it sometime." Yeah, right.

She nodded out the window and there was silence. Again.

Well, he wouldn't let it last this time. He nibbled his lower lip, thinking.

"So… seen any good movies?"

Ugh. He failed at this.

She laughed – at his apparent inability to make actual conversation, he thought, before she said "Last time I went to the movies was with you and Booster, and he cried through most of the second half."

"Oh, yeah," XR said, chuckling as he remembered. The movie had actually been really good; an old film that was way ahead of its time, about a robot who saves a starliner full of organics. It'd been nice to see robots in such prominent roles, especially in such an old film- robots were still sadly underrepresented in the movies. Of course, this hadn't mattered so much to Booster, who had been too caught up in what he'd called the 'pure love' of the two leads. It had actually been kind of funny watching him blubber like that over something that wasn't real. Sure, it'd been a decent story, but XR hadn't felt the need to use up a whole box of tissues.

He blinked out the window. Had it really been that long since he'd gone to the movies? "We should go again sometime," he said absentmindedly.

She turned sharply, eyes wide. "W-we?"

"You, me, and Booster," he clarified dully. But nice to know the idea of being alone with him was so appealing to her. Why had she even agreed to get in the car with him, if it bothered her so much…

"Okay." She nodded, visibly calmer. "Okay, yeah. Maybe we can go next weekend."

"What about this weekend?"

She shook her head. "I can't. I'm going to visit my father. It's his birthday."

"…Oh. Tell him I said happy birthday," he said without thinking.

"Okay," she chuckled. "Can't wait to see his reaction to _that_ one."

XR let the scene play out in his head and snickered. "Yeah… your dad really doesn't like us, does he," he muttered absently, then his eyes widened and he glanced nervously over at Mira… But thankfully she didn't look angry, she just stared out the window and sighed heavily.

"He's just… worried about the future of his planet."

XR raised an eyebrow. "Aaand… he's afraid we're going to try and conquer it?" he quipped, grinning to himself.

She didn't laugh. "In his mind, you already have."

XR jumped. He turned in his seat, blinking up at her. "What?"

"My father will agree that joining the Galactic Alliance was a good thing, in many ways. But…" She bit her lip. "Tangeans value their… independence," she said slowly. "They don't believe any outsider should be allowed to tell them what to do. Many of the elders weren't happy with my father when he agreed to join the Alliance. He managed to persuade them that Tangea would be able to retain its monarchy, that the Alliance would protect them, not attempt to rule over them. And Zurg helped convince all of them that maybe otherworld alliances weren't such a bad idea," she added with a sardonic grin. "But now…" She faltered, trailing off and staring out the window.

He didn't want her to stop talking. "Now?" he prompted.

"Now… he's being pressured by the elders about… well, about me."

"About _you?"_

She nodded grimly. "The elders don't like it that the heir to the throne is so involved in… outworlder affairs." She made a face. "They're worried I'll be… influenced by otherworld politics and try to change the structure of Tangea's government."

He couldn't see what the big deal was. Mira wasn't some evil dictator, what was so dangerous about what she was doing? "Well… what's wrong with change?"  
She shook her head. "XR, my people are very tradition-minded. They believe the reason they've survived for centuries – with no help from other planets – is that they've managed to hold onto their beliefs. They're afraid that any change, no matter how small it may be, will have disastrous consequences."

XR sat back in his seat and let out a long, low whistle. Golly… those snobs weren't messing around. "Little paranoid, isn't it?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. I've never understood it, personally. But my father insists it's just normal Tangean thinking."

He blinked. _Normal Tangean thinking…_ "But… you don't think like that."

She was silent for a long time. He glanced over at her- her expression had become very distant.

"No." Her voice sounded oddly hollow.

He flinched. Something about her tone made him uneasy, it just didn't sound like her, it didn't sound right… He squirmed in his seat, trying to think of some way to lighten the mood. "How did you ever get along with those people?" he blurted, then froze, realizing that technically she was one of _those people._ Funny how little he actually thought of her that way…

She didn't seem to find anything weird about what he'd said. "It wasn't easy," she answered dully. "The elders were always wary of me, even when I was little, because of… well, because of my mother."

XR stiffened. He had never, ever heard her talk about her mother. It was a very sensitive issue with her; Buzz had asked her about her mother once and she'd gotten so upset with him none of them had ever dared to bring it up again. She'd never mentioned her mother on her own. He squirmed in his seat, torn between curiosity and a desire to hear more about her, and intense fear of making her mad, or having her suddenly clam up.

"Your, umm… your mother?" he asked, trying to keep his tone as light and neutral as possible.

She nodded. "My mother was… well, she was a free spirit. Something the elders didn't exactly appreciate."

He relaxed slightly. She was still talking. This trip was salvageable yet. He nodded encouragingly, trying not to interrupt her train of thought.

To his delight, she kept talking. "As a queen, she was respected. She had a warmth, a caring nature that people recognized as a mark of a good wife, a good… mother." He couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw her shiver slightly. "She always stood behind my father, never tried to assert her own authority… she was quiet and obedient, everything a good wife is supposed to be." She glared out the window and gritted her teeth. He flinched, averting his gaze and twiddling his thumbs absently. "She did everything she was told. And she was loved for it." Her tone softened- her eyes unfocused slightly. "But it was no secret she wanted more."

"More?" he asked before he could stop himself.

Mira nodded. "She felt… confined by palace life. She was incredibly curious about other planets, other cultures. She dreamed of leaving Tangea and exploring new worlds. For any Tangean to think like that would have been highly unusual; for the ruler of their people, it was dangerous."

XR swallowed hard. So her mother was judged for even _thinking_ of leaving the planet. "No wonder they're worried about you."

She nodded. "When I was born, the elders were afraid my mother would have a negative influence on my way of thinking. They tried to stop her from filling me with the same passion for otherworld cultures. But they _couldn't,"_ she said forcefully, a fierce note of pride coming into her voice. XR subconsciously sat up straighter. "She made me who I am today. I never would have made it this far if it wasn't for her."

XR turned to stare out the window. An odd emptiness he couldn't quite explain had settled in his chest.

"She sounds like a great person," he said softly.

"The best," Mira answered quietly. She smiled slightly. "She used to tell me stories. She'd tell me all about the otherworlds, how their inhabitants were so brave and strong, and how they could go on all the exciting adventures they wanted to."

XR had a sudden image of Mira as a kid – for some reason she was carrying a fuzzy pink blanket – crawling up into her mother's lap and asking for another story. Mira's mother looked… well, like Mira, only older, and… somehow more like he'd imagine a queen would look. Sort of calm, dignified, all regal – she was pretty. And Mira made a cute kid.

"At the time, of course, I was amazed that she knew so much about places outside of Tangea," Mira went on, that distant smile widening. "Looking back I'm surprised I didn't realize sooner that she made all those stories up. She never left Tangea, not once in her whole life. But the way she told them… she made them all seem real."

He nodded vaguely. "So… she got you excited to see the galaxy."

"Yes. She wanted so much to leave Tangea, to see what else was out there… It was her idea to join the Galactic Alliance."

XR's eyes widened. "But… but I thought your father… didn't he…?"

Mira shook her head. "He's the one who finally agreed to join. But he never wanted to, not in the beginning. My mother was the first one to show actual interest in the idea."

She fell silent again. He couldn't let her stop talking, not now. "What do you mean?" he prodded anxiously.

Mira sighed. "Tangea was one of the last planets in the galaxy to hear about the Alliance. Isolated as it is," she added with a scowl. "By the time word reached us, most of the galaxy had already joined. I'll never forget… how excited my mother was… she thought she'd finally gotten her chance to see the galaxy, to meet otherworlders, to live her dream… She begged my father to join."

"And he… said no." It wasn't a question.

Mira's expression darkened. "He knew the elders disapproved of my mother's 'childish fancies.'" She made air quotes with one hand, frowning. "He knew what the elders really thought of her. They considered her inferior, thought she shouldn't be allowed to have the throne. I think… I think he was afraid they might revolt."

XR stared at her. "But… I thought Tangeans weren't military-minded."

She shook her head. "No, it wouldn't have been like that. My father was afraid the elders might see her as a weakness, that they might decide to give the throne to another family."

XR considered this for a moment. "…They can do that?"

Mira shrugged. "Apparently. We have too many laws anyway, I can't keep up with them." She shook her head, wrinkling her nose. "Anyway… my mother was so eager to learn about different ideologies, my father was afraid she'd try to incorporate them into Tangean law. He was afraid- like _every other Tangean-_ of change. He said no. And the king's word is final." She paused, staring off into the distance. Her voice lowered to a whisper. "She was crushed."

XR wrung his hands in his lap. "They didn't… get along, did they?"

Mira sighed heavily. "Well… no, not at first. My mother never did get over the fact that her husband was chosen for her. But my father… well, he absolutely adored her."

XR blinked. "Even though she was… well, different?"

"Tangeans can discount individuality as much as they want to, but the fact is that even they aren't perfect little copies of each other," she said forcefully. "My father saw great passion, great spirit in my mother, and he loved her for that. He tried, he really did, to make her happy – and I think over time, she started to admire him for who he was. He wasn't what she dreamed, but he truly did care about her. You know?"

Oh, if she only knew. His engine was revving uncomfortably and he squirmed in his seat. "Yeah." He hastily cleared his throat. "So… if- if your father loved her so much, why didn't he just join the Alliance? If it would have made her happy…"

"He thought he was protecting her," Mira sighed sadly. "Uprisings aside, he was afraid she'd be disappointed by what she discovered. He didn't share my mother's romanticized view of outworlders. He accepted the 'normal' way of thinking that any non-Tangean was inferior, savage even. He was afraid that disappointment would crush her spirit – the spirit he admired."

"So, instead he decided to keep her locked up?" XR huffed.

"He thought it was for the best." She sighed heavily. "The ironic thing is it may just have been what ended up…" She stopped suddenly, her eyes widening and her whole body going rigid.

He shivered in the sudden silence. "Ended up… what?"

Mira didn't answer. She was silent for a very long time and he was just starting to worry that he'd pushed his luck when she finally spoke, in barely more than a whisper. "A few months after we first received news of the Alliance, my mother became very sick. Nothing we tried seemed to help. She hated being sick – she hated anything that held her back – and she tried to fight it, but she just… couldn't." Mira shuddered. "I hated seeing her like that. It didn't seem right… she'd always been so strong, it just didn't seem… _fair_ that an enemy she couldn't even see could overtake her like that."

She stared out the windshield, a haunted look in her eyes. XR shifted uncomfortably. Never having watched someone waste away, he couldn't fathom what she was feeling. "That… must've been… hard," he stammered lamely.

"It was awful," she murmured. She sat back, taking a deep breath. When she spoke again her voice was clearer, stronger. "I begged my father to reconsider his decision. None of our treatments had done anything for my mother, and I was convinced the answer was with the Alliance. Mother had always made the otherworlds sound so wonderful, I was sure one of them would have the cure she needed."

XR gaped at her. "And he _still_ wouldn't join?"

She shook her head. "He told me the Alliance wouldn't save her, it would destroy her. I argued that it was what Mother wanted, and if he loved her he'd at least try to help her." She winced. "He told me that I didn't know what I was talking about, that I was too young to understand. I… said I wasn't too young, and… I understood that he didn't even know how to take care of her."

Her voice trailed off. XR sat back in his seat, staring blankly ahead. So – Mira and her father had always fought like that. He tried to imagine younger Mira so angry. In that context it didn't seem cute, it seemed… sad.

"…Wow." Was all he could say.

"Yeah. He wasn't happy with me after that. At the time I didn't care, I just wanted Mother to be okay. But she wasn't getting better, she was getting worse. Soon I wasn't even allowed to go in to see her anymore. My father tried to assure me everything would be fine."

She was silent once more. It was a very uneasy silence. He shifted his feet, gnawing on his lip. He could tell where this was going, knew without asking what was going to happen next. He didn't need to hear her say it – and yet he didn't want her to stop talking.

"It wasn't fine, was it?" he offered meekly.

She stared out the windshield. Her eyes were all misted over. "I was seven," she whispered.

An odd sort of queasiness came over him. Not like he needed to be sick queasy, more like… an unbearable sadness. It didn't feel nice… and it had to be at least a thousand times worse for her. "Mira, I'm… I'm so sorry…"

She looked over at him. "Oh – it's okay, XR. I don't think I could have done anything differently."

He nodded, wringing his hands in his lap. "Did… you and your father ever make up?"

"Well – it took us both a long time to get over what had happened. I… I blamed him for it and wouldn't talk to him for several weeks. He went back and forth between trying to be overly-nice to get me to talk again and being furious that I was acting so immature. Eventually I think we both just realized there was nothing we could do to change the situation. And we were the only family each other had. Nothing was ever the same, though. My father became extremely over-protective of me… well, he didn't want to lose me too. And as I got older and it became clear that I would be… well, different – not a little different, but different like my mother different – he wasn't pleased. I think he's always afraid something terrible will happen to me."

XR's stomach twisted. "Is that why he hates you being in the rangers so much?"

"Yep. He wants me safe at home, where he can keep an eye on me." She rolled her eyes, then sighed. "I guess I can't really blame him. It's nice that he cares about me. It's just so _annoying_ sometimes. I can take care of myself. But he's always treated me like I can't." She scowled out the windshield.

"So… is that why you snuck out of the palace?"

"Well… I guess that was part of it." She shrugged. "Mostly I was just bored. Listening to the elders ramble on about ancient law was nothing compared to one of my mother's stories. I was fed up with Tangea; I wanted to see the galaxy. But I couldn't exactly leave the planet, so I figured I'd start with Tangea's surface. It was practically a different world, anyway- I didn't know anything about it."

"And- was it everything you hoped it'd be?"

"At first, yeah," she said, smiling fondly in remembrance. "The surface was so different from the palace… everything was mysterious, and beautiful, and… _alive._ Everything was so wonderful, I couldn't understand why other Tangeans hated it so much. Nothing seemed dangerous about the surface. …Well, except the Grounders. I can admit they aren't very pleasant. Well, except for Romac."

Oh. Right, he'd heard this part before. Romac. Ugh, he really didn't want to hear about her ex-boyfriend. But what else could he do? Struggle for new material for another half hour? It might not be so bad… After all, she'd agreed to go out with _him._ Obviously he'd done something right. And from what he'd seen and heard, she clearly had very strong feelings for him. Maybe- if he could figure out what had made that relationship so successful… It was worth a try, anyway.  
"And, what… what made you, umm… why were you…" He choked on the words.

She raised an eyebrow. "Attracted to him?" she offered.

He cleared his throat anxiously. "Yeah, that."

She bit her lip. "You know, I… I don't know if I feel comfortable talking about this…"

He stared at her. After telling him all about her mother's death, suddenly _this_ was awkward? "C'mon, Mira, I'm really curious!"

Apparently this was not a good thing to say, as she glared over at him. He quickly added "I promise I won't say anything inappropriate, really." And he crossed his heart. …Engine. Whatever. Same thing.

Her eyes narrowed. "Okay, look – one rude comment and that's _it,_ okay?"

He nodded. "Agreed."

She sat back, taking a deep breath. She hesitated for a moment, then started talking, slowly. "Well… right away, there was… there was a spark. It was… new, it was exciting. Romac was the first non-Tangean I'd ever met. He was- so different from everyone I knew. It was… well, it was refreshing. We got along right from the beginning. It was so easy to talk to him, like we'd known each other all our lives. He was such a gentleman, so… well, romantic… and so handsome." She sighed wistfully, and her eyes sort of glazed over as she stared out the windshield.

XR rolled his eyes. What was handsome? Handsome was nothing. It was personality that mattered, really. …Not that he wasn't good-looking, because… well, he was…

"It was exciting, being with Romac." She was talking again. He pulled himself out of his own thoughts to listen. "He was completely free; free from palace walls, from confining rules, from boring, everlasting routine. With him all of Tangea was suddenly open to me. I was living the adventure my mother had always dreamed of."

She paused, chewing on her lip. "But I think… more than anything else, I knew that he was different. He wasn't like the other Grounders, he was smart and well-mannered and… just different. And I was different. Neither of us really fit in with our own people, so it just seemed… _right_ that we'd be together."

XR nodded, shifting his feet awkwardly. Something in her words had struck a chord within him; he couldn't explain why, but that empty feeling was back, and stronger than before.

"Your father didn't think so." It was the only thing he could think to say.

"No, he didn't." Her voice was soft, resigned. "Romac represented everything he feared – everything that, in his mind, had robbed him of his wife. The night he found out about us…" She shivered. "I'd never seen him so angry. Not even when my mother had been sick. It scared me." She trailed off, staring out the windshield.

XR watched her, wringing his hands. "Is that why you… didn't go after him?"

She nodded ever so slightly. "That's why."

He moaned, clutching at his service panel. What would be worse… never knowing the answer to this next question, or getting an answer he didn't want to hear? He chewed on his lip. Finally he decided the worst thing would be for Mira to stop talking.

"Do you… do you think you would, now?"

She bit her lip. For a long time she said nothing. After a while he began to worry that he'd offended her and was starting to think of ways to change the subject…

"I don't know," she finally said. He jumped, blinking up at her. She was staring out the window, her brow furrowed. "Romac was… well, I used to think he was perfect for me. But… now I wonder if a lot of the appeal wasn't just excitement. Before I met him I'd never even been outside the palace walls. He was new, he was different. Now I've been across the galaxy. I've… changed. _He's_ changed. I just… I don't know. I still care about him. Maybe. I'd have to talk to him first. Get to know him again."

He nodded, feeling slightly relieved. That at least was an answer he could handle.

But what could he ask her now? "So… have you, umm… has he been your only, uh…"

"Boyfriend?" she finished, eyebrows raised.

He swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah, that."

"Yep. Well, unless you want to count Fop." She wrinkled her nose. "Oh, that's another thing I'm not looking forward to. My father keeps trying to shove suitors in my face. As if I'll suddenly be interested in the same guys I've been saying no to for years." XR shuddered. "He just doesn't seem to get that I'm just not attracted to any of them. He seems more concerned about keeping the bloodline pure than my happiness." She shook her head.

XR blinked up at her. "So… you can't see yourself actually… marrying someone your own species?"

She snorted. "Well, when you put it that way, it just sounds weird."

He flinched, worried he might've upset her- but then she turned and grinned at him. He smiled back sheepishly.

"I guess… species just never mattered to me." She shrugged. "I never felt weird or uncomfortable when I was with Romac. He accepted me for what I was, and that was enough. What my father never understood is that inter-species relationships _can_ work. If two people really get along, really care about each other, species shouldn't matter."

XR squirmed against seatbelt. "Yeah." His voice came out kind of shaky and he cleared his throat.

She glanced over at him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine." He didn't sound fine, his voice was all high-pitched and squeaky. He cleared his throat again, loudly. If he didn't want this to get very awkward very fast, he needed to keep the conversation focused on her. "So, um… so, your father eventually did join the Alliance."

She watched him carefully for a minute, then nodded. "Yep. Being captured by Zurg isn't something you forget easily." She shivered and he shuddered. That was something they'd both had ample experience in. It wasn't something you soon forgot. "We're just lucky that Buzz was there. He saved my father- he saved my planet. If he hadn't been there… well, I don't want to think about what might have happened."

XR nodded vaguely. "Yep." Buzz was a great guy, alright. Everyone was lucky to have him around. Of course, that was probably why Mira seemed to like him so much. She owed the safety of her whole planet to him.

That still didn't mean he felt like talking about Buzz. He wanted to keep hearing about her story.

"So… why'd you become a space ranger?" She never had to join Star Command, he realized suddenly. Buzz hadn't been recruiting that day, he'd just been in charge of security. Mira'd been able to persuade her father to join the Alliance; Tangea was no longer isolated. Why had she felt the need to go into such a dangerous career? Certainly there were safer ways of seeing the galaxy…

She glanced over at him. "What do you mean? You know the story… Buzz saved my planet…"

He shook his head. "I know what _made_ you become a space ranger. I want to know _why_ you did it."

She didn't answer right away. He was probably not making any sense at all. He glanced up at her- she was frowning slightly, but not like she was upset. More like… she was trying to solve a problem.

"Well… I guess… it seemed like the perfect chance to do something with myself. Something important, something that… well, that mattered. Tangeans only think about what goes on on Tangea. When we became part of the Galactic Alliance, I wanted to serve it somehow. I wanted to protect people… to help people."  
"Oh," he said softly. So – this was more than a chance to escape her planet. Much more. "This… this really means a lot to you, doesn't it?"

"Oh, of course. I don't know what I'd do without the Rangers."

_And I don't know what I'd do without you_ ran across his mind and he shook his head. "How'd you convince your father to let you go?"

She sighed heavily. "It wasn't easy. But he was… impressed with the way Buzz dealt with the situation. Buzz helped convince him that not all outworlders meant harm. And… I think he was proud of the way I handled myself. I think… I think he realized I would never be happy with palace life. I almost think – no, it's stupid." She trailed off, her cheeks turning the slightest of pinks.

"What, what?" he urged, leaning forward in his seat.

She bit her lip. "Well… I think it may have been his way of saying he was wrong, and that… he was sorry."

XR stared up at her. That empty feeling was stronger than ever. "That's not stupid," he said softly. No, not stupid at all.

Her blush deepened and for a moment he actually considered, actually thought, what would be the harm in telling her, just letting her know right here and now everything he felt about her…

"Things were… better between us after that."

He shook his head, staring up at her incredulously. _"Better?"_

He'd risk losing one of his closest friends. That was the harm.

She chuckled. "Yeah, believe it or not. I was finally happy, and I think it made _him_ happy to see that. I mean, yeah, he's not thrilled that I'm running around the galaxy when I could be preparing to take over the throne… But I have to hand it to him, he's never _actually_ tried to get me out of the Rangers. He knows I can't stay a ranger forever and he's just patiently waiting for that day."

XR had the sudden sensation he'd just been kicked in the gut. Hard. "Wh-what d'you mean, you can't stay…?" He trailed off, unable to finish the thought.

She glanced over at him. "Well, someday I'll have to go back to Tangea… I mean, I'm the only heir… it's my responsibility… Unless the elders suddenly decide Tangea doesn't have to stay a monarchy. Which I honestly can't see happening," she muttered dryly, making a face.

There was an odd sort of whirring in his chest. How could he not have made the connection... Well, he supposed some part of him had to have known… But still. He just never thought of her that way. She was never 'Princess Mira' around him, she was just _Mira,_ and that was all she ever had to be. She didn't have to be anything she wasn't, didn't have to feign interest in anything that didn't hold her attention… The thought that she would one day have to return to a life she hated, to be stuck in static palace life, upholding ancient law and practicing traditions she'd never cared for… It made his stomach churn. It just… it just didn't seem _right…_

"So… so one day you'll just _have_ to go back there? For good?" His engine was starting to rev.

She shrugged. "There's nothing I can do. I don't have a choice, XR."

But… but that wasn't _fair!_ "So you're just going to have to leave us? Just like that?" His voice cracked he whimpered.

She frowned slightly. "Hey, it's not like that, this is something I-" She glanced over at him and froze, her eyes widening slightly. "Hey, are you okay?"

He nodded, but he didn't feel okay, he felt empty and hot and shaky. "Yeah, I-I'm fine, it's just… geez, I'll _miss you."_ He squeezed his eyes shut. He hated that his voice was trembling and that he was choking back tears.

She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. He froze, gasping shakily.

"Hey… it's okay! Don't be upset, really… That's not gonna be for a long time. Don't worry about it, okay?"

He could only stare back at her, his lower lip trembling slightly. Her voice was so kind and reassuring- she'd never spoken to him like that before. Her hand was soft and warm and he shivered slightly, that simple little touch felt so good… Golly, he'd miss her _so much…_

She was watching him carefully, giving him a hopeful little smile, and he finally nodded slightly. There was no point in getting all worked up about something over which he had no control. She was here now, and that was what mattered. He'd just have to make the most of the time they had left.

"We're here."

His head snapped up. "What?"  
The car slowed to a stop and Mira cut the engine, engulfing them in silence once more.

He sat perfectly still, staring out the windshield. "We- we're here?" It was over? Already?

"Yeah… but listen…" she said slowly, turning around in her seat to face him. "I… I had a nice time. It was… good to talk to you." She paused, grinning coyly. "You can be a good listener after all."

He shrugged. "Well, you're a lot more interesting than one of Buzz's lectures."

She laughed and his heart leapt – it was such a beautiful sound. She leaned back in her seat and tilted her head slightly, looking him over. "We should do this again sometime," she said suddenly, all trace of humor gone from her voice.

He stared back at her. She was – actually offering him this opportunity again? Giving him the chance to be alone with her? To learn more about her? Well, he wasn't about to say no to that. "Yeah, I- I'd really like that," he said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible.

She nodded back at him but said no more. Silence hung heavy in the air between them as she continued to watch him. He blinked, squirming slightly as his engine revved again. He wasn't used to her staring at him like this, it made him feel… exposed, somehow, the way she wouldn't look away… It was quickly making him uncomfortable and he edged toward the door.

"Well, um… we should… probably get inside."

She nodded, biting her lip. He undid his seatbelt and had just started reaching for the door when he felt her hand against his arm.

"XR, wait."

He swallowed hard, turning slowly to see her staring back at him with wide, searching eyes. There was something about the way she looked that was almost… vulnerable, and he shivered.

"What is it?"

"I just… I just wanted to… to tell you, that…" She sighed heavily. "What I told you tonight… it's… well, it's not an easy thing for me, even to think about. The things I told you tonight… I've… I've never been able to tell anyone before."

He gaped at her. She'd actually confided in him – told him things about her no one else knew?

"So, I guess… I guess I just want to thank you for listening. Really." And she smiled down at him.

His heart missed a beat. "I enjoyed it," he said sincerely.

She smiled back at him and his engine nearly melted inside him. She let go of his arm (much to his disappointment) and unbuckled her own seatbelt. "We'd better get inside."

"Yeah, okay." He turned back to the door, slowly. If he could have had his way they wouldn't have to go inside at all. They could stay out here and talk, all night, just the two of them, and he could hear more about her.

But he couldn't have what he wanted (could he ever?) and so he'd just have to wait for the next opportunity to be alone with her.

After all, he consoled himself, it sounded like he'd be getting that chance again soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The book is Wicked and the movie is WALL-E. In case you were wondering. :)
> 
> Man, this whole series is like a tour of all the things I was super into ten years ago.


	10. 3. Zodiac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> XR and Mira learn about the Chinese zodiac.

_I am thinking it's a sign_  
_That the freckles in our eyes are mirror images_  
_And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned_  
~The Postal Service, _Such Great Heights_

Tag: Do you believe that there is one perfect person for everyone?  
Rachel: Well, I'm starting to…  
_~FRIENDS_

"Just one more helping, and that's it!"

XR scowled and resisted the urge to slam his head down on the table. Booster'd been saying that for the past five helpings. It was starting to get tiresome.  
Of course, he couldn't _really_ be blamed… Booster was a big guy, he needed more fuel than the average organic.

It still didn't make it any less annoying.

Even Buzz was beginning to look irritated. He raised an eyebrow at Booster.

"It's _really_ the last one this time, I promise!" Booster said, grinning sheepishly.

Buzz sighed heavily. "Alright, Rookie." As it was the weekend and they really had nowhere else to be, there wasn't much he could say.

XR smirked into his oil. It was funny when Buzz couldn't do anything about a situation.

With Buzz's approval Booster rose quickly to his feet, in the process knocking the table sideways so that Mira nearly lost what little was left on her plate and XR spilled oil all down his front. He glared up at Booster, who grinned apologetically before rushing back into the buffet line. XR shook his head and plucked a napkin from the table, mopping up the mess on his service panel.

Buzz was drumming his fingers on the table, staring absently toward the back of the restaurant. "Might as well see what they have in the way of desserts," he said suddenly, and he got to his feet as well. "Mira?"

"Oh, no _thank_ you," she said, holding up her hands. She never was big on desserts. Probably trying to keep that trim figure of hers.

_Well, good for her,_ he couldn't help thinking with another smirk.

Buzz nodded and left without asking XR if he wanted anything. Pfft. How inconsiderate. …Not that XR _could_ have desserts, anyway, but still. A little recognition would be nice.

He finished wiping the oil from his front panel and stuffed the now filthy napkin away in his storage compartment. He leaned over the table, propping his helmet in one hand, and contemplated his surroundings.

It was a different sort of place, this restaurant. The lighting was dim; paper lanterns patterned with unfamiliar characters hung all around the walls. The tables were low to the ground (watching Booster try and sit had been quite amusing – he himself found that he rather liked them, they made him feel tall). On the far wall was a tank filled with the strangest fist he had ever seen.

"So… you like this place?" he asked Mira.

She nodded, glancing around the restaurant. "Sure. It's nice."

It'd been Mira's idea to come here. The four of them had decided to go out for dinner on Capital Planet and had come across something called a 'Chinese' buffet. None of them knew what 'Chinese' was, though Buzz had said he vaguely remembered hearing the term somewhere before. Mira'd suggested they try the place; she was always up for trying new and different things, which she attributed to nineteen years of being cooped up in 'boring palace life.' XR found it endearing.

And it actually wasn't a bad place. There was something intriguingly mysterious about the atmosphere – he couldn't quite explain it, but there was a strong sense of history to the place. And the smell… the smell was unlike anything he'd ever experienced. It wasn't… particularly bad, for a smell, but it was strong, rich and thick and… saucy.

And they had these tacky little paper placemats with pictures on them. At first XR had dismissed them as coloring pages for kiddies, but now that he was studying his a bit more closely he saw that each picture was accompanied by a short description. The pictures depicted animals – twelve different animals – and were arranged in a circle next to what looked like a timeline. And there were more of those weird characters. Which, now that he really looked at them, were starting to remind him of something he'd seen on Tradeworld…

"What are you looking at?"

He looked up. Mira was leaning over the table, watching him with interest.

He blinked. Mira rarely showed interest in what he was doing.

"Here – check this out," he said, eager to keep this newfound attention. He pointed back to his placemat, to the words written across the top, Standard words underneath more strange characters. "'The Chinese Zodiac' – what d'you suppose that is?"

She turned to her own placemat. "Huh… I dunno…"

XR had heard the word 'zodiac' before, but he knew it in the context of stars and constellations; it was a word he associated with signs, horoscopes, and Internet love matches. (He had, in fact, when he was exceptionally bored, input his and Mira's names into these various generators, with not-so-favorable outcomes.) He'd never put much stock in horoscopes – he lived among the stars, it was hard to think of them as having any kind of special power.

"Apparently it's a cycle that repeats every twelve years," Mira was saying, running one slender blue finger across her placemat. "Each year is represented by a different animal, and people born in the same year are supposed to have a certain personality."

He shifted his helmet onto his other hand, leaning farther over the table. He loved it when her voice got all serious and thoughtful.

She glanced up at noticed him watching her. "What?"

He jumped and straightened up quickly, looking away and clearing his throat. "So, um… so the animals are like signs? The, uh… animal determines the personality?"

She nodded. "Yep."

Well, that sounded pretty similar to the other kind of zodiac. "Let me guess, it also tells you who you're supposed to be compatible with and all that?"  


"Actually… yeah," she answered. She was looking back at her placemat, running her finger down the timeline.

"Oh." Well, what had he really expected. Sooner or later everything came back to love, didn't it?

He glanced back at his own placemat, his interest piqued in spite of himself. He had no reason to believe this would be any different from anything he'd seen before, but at the same time – well, it was an entirely different Zodiac, and you never did know about these things.

Leaning over the placemat, he realized that what he'd thought was a timeline was actually twelve groups of years – one for each animal – listed, as Mira had said, in intervals of twelve. He scanned the page for the year he was born – well, made technically… Same thing, really… Then he glanced across to the corresponding animal. He was apparently something called a 'tiger.' Well, he supposed if he was going to be associated with an animal, there were worse options. In fact, he vaguely remembered meeting a dignitary on Capital Planet who'd said his species was related to the tiger, somehow… All he did know of tigers was good, anyway; they were strong and majestic, highly respected.

At least he got to be a cool animal.

On a whim he decided to look up Mira; the result couldn't possibly be worse than anything he'd ever seen before. He found her birth year, then glanced over her animal and her description…

And he froze.

For a long while he could not move, could not make a sound. He'd… he'd made a mistake, was what was happening… Because why else would it be saying… He must've gotten the year wrong…

"XR? Something wrong?"

He glanced up at her. She was watching him carefully, her head tilted slightly.

"Mira – what sign are you?" he asked hoarsely.

She blinked at him. "Horse. Why, what are you?"

So he had gotten it right. He swallowed and glanced away, unable to meet her eyes any longer. "Tiger," he murmured.

She looked back to her own placemat. After a moment her eyes widened. She blushed, ever so slightly, looking away. "Oh…" Was all she said.

Yeah. Right. OH. Because right there, next to the horse, under the part about being 'independent' and 'hot-blooded' were the words,

_Marry a tiger early._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I was going to use the astrological zodiac because, you know, the show takes place in space and all that. But it was too similar to 67% so I decided to mix it up a little. I've always loved Chinese culture, and this one was fun to write.
> 
> The first sign that came to mind when I thought of Mira was the Horse, because it’s the sign of independence, strength, and passion. I had to look it up, and the Horse’s primary match turned out to be the Tiger. And the Tiger personality turned out to have several things in common with XR; Tigers are sensitive, rash, hate to be ignored, and tend to have issues with authority figures. (I also read that Tigers are supposed to make great parents, which amused me.)
> 
> These sites are in my old notes - apparently I used them for inspiration:  
http://www.psychicguild.com/Chinese-Horoscope/  
http://www.c-c-c.org/chineseculture/zodiac/zodiac.html
> 
> Also, I pulled the phrase ‘Marry a tiger early’ directly from the Zodiac edition of the Ty Beanie Babies, because it just seemed to fit what I was going for so well.


	11. 47. Solitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mira takes XR somewhere quiet and peaceful.

_Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone_  
~Taylor Swift, _Love Story_

_"So where are we REALLY going?"_  
~Nala, Disney's _The Lion King_

"XR, I know that you're bored, but I really need to concentrate."

XR sat slouched over the table, his helmet propped in one hand, drumming his fingers on a stack of books. Mira was hunched over a ridiculously long scroll, holding a pen that strangely enough had a feather on the end of it.

He sighed heavily, stretching his arms out on the table in front of him. "Well, I'm _sor_-ry, but when you asked me to come spend the weekend with you here, I didn't know you'd be doing boring palace stuff the whole time."

"Look, I know it's no fun, but I just have to take care of a couple things here. I'll be done soon, really."

He slumped back in his chair, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. "You said that an _hour_ ago."

She shot him a warning glare. "Just _relax,_ okay?" she said slowly.

He flopped forward in his seat, letting his hands fall across the table. He propped his helmet up in one hand, then switched hands, then used both hands, then folded his arms across his chest. He cast a sideways glance at her; her head was bent purposefully over her work, her brow furrowed. He sighed exaggeratedly, then leaned forward and began tapping out a tune on the table's surface. Then he started whistling.

She let out an exasperated groan, sitting back in her chair and throwing down the pen… thing. "XR, if you're _so_ bored, why don't you just go do something else?"

He threw his hands in the air. "There's nothing TO do here!"

"Then just go annoy someone else, okay?" she snapped, retrieving the feather-pen. "I've got work to do."

"I don't wanna talk to anyone else," he whined. "Tangeans are _boring."_

She raised her eyebrows at him.

"I mean… Tangeans who aren't… Oh, you know what I mean. Look, Mira…" He straightened up in his seat, reaching out and tentatively placing his hand on her arm. She shot him a look but thankfully didn't just shrug him off. "I'm sorry. Really. I just… I just thought we could… spend some time, you know, together…"  
His voice trailed off and he stared hopefully up at her. She glanced over at him and her features softened. "Yeah, I know… Sorry, XR, this wasn't what I wanted to be doing either. I had no idea my father was going to throw this at me," she muttered, shuffling a stack of papers on the corner of the table. "Listen, as soon as I'm done here we'll go somewhere fun, okay?"

"Does that mean we're leaving Tangea?"

She gave him a baleful look. "C'mon, it's not all that bad."

He slumped back in his seat. "Oh. Yeah, sure. I bet there's not one thing on this rock that isn't dull."

He propped his helmet up in one hand, tapping his fingers idly on the table in front of him. She glared over at him and opened her mouth to say something – probably tell him off for being so rude – but then her expression shifted. She seemed to be considering him; then her eyes lit up and she got to her feet.

"Alright. Let's go."

He sat up, blinking at her. "Wait… what?"

"You wanna see something exciting, let's go, I'll show you someplace on Tangea that isn't boring."

There was something… almost challenging in her tone. Completely caught off-guard, he could only sputter up at her in response. "But… what about- don't you have work to-?"

"I could use a break anyway." She shrugged lightly and gave him a mischievous smirk. "You want to go somewhere alone with me or what?"

\--

She'd led him out of the palace ("C'mon, you didn't think there'd actually be anything exciting in _there,_ did you?") to the far end of the huge floating platform, where there was a row of little yellow hover-scooters. She'd climbed onto one and pulled him up behind her. He'd had to hold onto her waist – something he hadn't minded in the least – and they'd taken off, soaring down away from the palace and into the dense jungle of the surface.

In the few times he'd been to Tangea he'd never actually been to the surface. He had to admit, it was pretty cool. It was strangely beautiful, with its array of exotic plants, each one a crazy new shape; and colors, bright colors, more shades of purples and greens than he'd ever imagined. There was certainly more than enough to look at, to take in, and before he'd stopped enjoying the ride she'd pulled down into a small clearing and come to a stop. She slipped off the scooter and he followed suit, glancing around the new surroundings as she hid the scooter behind an impressively-sized plant. As far as he could tell, there was nothing special here.

"So – what's so great about this place?"

"Not _here,"_ she said, moving to the edge of the clearing. "C'mon, follow me."

She pushed aside a huge leaf and took a step into the jungle. He hesitated – she didn't seriously expect him to go traipsing across the surface on foot, did she? But she turned and gave a 'you comin?' sort of smirk and he set off after her.

Navigating the Tangean jungle turned out to be not so fun. The undergrowth was so dense his treads were more of a hindrance than anything else. Walking was possible for him, or course – it was just difficult, on this kind of terrain, and annoying, when gliding was so much easier.

"So, are we almost there?" he grumbled, picking his way carefully over a fallen branch.

"Almost," she called back to him.

He narrowly avoided smashing his treads against a large rock. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"You'll see."

He doubted this – so caught up was he in not tripping over stuff that he kept his head down, barely watching where he was going… and so he didn't notice when Mira suddenly stopped and consequently came very close to crashing into her.

"We're here," she told him, and her eyes were wide with excitement.

He blinked around. This particular patch of jungle looked no different than any he'd already seen. He was about to say so when he noticed she was pulling aside another gigantic fan-shaped leaf.

"Well, go on!" she said, motioning him through.

He glanced warily up at her, suppressing a sudden urge to say 'you first.' Years of being used as the guinea pig had conditioned him to expect the worst in any situation where he was told to go before anyone else.

But this was _Mira_ talking to him, this was not Buzz, they were not on a mission… And she'd never given him reason not to trust her.

He took a deep breath to steady himself and stepped through the gap in the leaves.

He found himself on a rocky outcrop overlooking a wide river, and facing what was easily the most magnificent waterfall he'd ever seen. It curved in a wide crescent along the river, crystal clear waters pouring ceaselessly over the cliffside. Spray rose up at its base in a cloud of shimmering white. The rushing of the falls created a steady hum that after a few moments became very soothing indeed.

His mouth fell open. True, he'd always preferred the mechanical world, the comfort of technology, to anything in nature – but he had to admit this was quite an impressive sight.

There was a slight rustle of leaves behind him and footsteps as Mira came to stand next to him.

"Wow," he breathed, staring up at the falls. "It's beautiful…"

He glanced up at her – she looked pleased by his reaction. "Yeah, isn't it?"

She sat down and he did the same, stretching his feet out over the mossy rock.

"This is my favorite place on Tangea," she said, pulling her knees up to her chest and gazing thoughtfully over the waters. "I used to come here all the time when I was younger."

"Really?" he asked absently, unable to take his eyes off the falling water.

"Oh, yeah." She rested her chin on her knees. "If my father and I had just had a fight, if I was fed up with the palace… this was where I came to just… escape."

He stiffened. This was… this was her place, wasn't it? Her special place… The place she came when she wanted to be alone… And she was sharing it with him…  
"It's just… so peaceful here," she sighed, tilting her head slightly.

"Oh, yeah, it… it is really… nice…" he said lamely, struggling with the words to let her know he really did like her special place. "So, you… you came here a lot, did you?"

She nodded. "All the time."

Oh – right, she'd said that already. He shifted his feet, casting around for something, anything else to say. "And… but – but you felt safe, here? With all the Grounders around?"

"You know, I never really saw any Grounders around here," she said, her tone thoughtful. She laughed a little, lowering her voice as though a Grounder she had overlooked was, in fact, nearby and would hear her. "Honestly, I think the sound of the falls scares them."

XR shook his head, grinning to himself. How the Tangeans could think their planet was so superior when they shared it with such an underdeveloped species was beyond him. He was about to say something to that effect when she went on, continuing her own train of thought.

"Besides, a lot of the time I had Romac with me anyway. The other Grounders seemed to avoid him."

Something inside him shuddered. He frowned. So Romac had been here too… She'd brought Romac to this place of hers – not once, but several times… Just knowing that she'd shared this place with Romac too made it somehow less special.

His shoulders hunched and he scowled down at his treads. "Oh, sure. You don't have him _now,_ though," he snapped.

She turned to face him, taking in the change in his face, his posture. "No," she finally said, sliding up beside him and draping her arm around his shoulders. "Now I have you."

His eyes widened and his shoulders relaxed as his engine started emitting a soft thrumming sound. Her touch was so gentle, so reassuring… It made him feel guilty even for having jealous thoughts, and he shifted uneasily on the rock. Mira had never given him reason not to trust her. This was only the first time she'd ever even mentioned her ex-boyfriend since they'd started going out. "Oh… I… l-listen, I didn't mean…"

"I know," she said softly, leaning over to rest her head on his helmet.

He shivered. What had he ever done to deserve this, to deserve her?

Maybe… maybe it didn't matter what he had or hadn't done. Maybe all that mattered was that she wanted him with her. It had been her choice to start dating him, her choice to ask him to her homeworld for the weekend…

And it was her choice to share her special place with him.

Maybe they didn't make sense, but maybe that didn't matter. As long as she kept inviting him, he'd go wherever she asked.

He moved into her side, wrapping one arm around her waist.

"Thanks for showing me this place," he whispered.

He felt her lips curve into a smile against his helmet. "You're welcome. Thanks for coming with me."

He pulled her closer. "Anytime."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my attempt at writing them as a couple.


	12. 4. Phoenix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mira goes to comfort XR after his break up with 42. 
> 
> That's how it starts, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never liked 42, the episode or the character, so this was sort of my 'fix-it' for it.
> 
> As my old notes say:  
Oh, and I do apologize if at any point 42 is OOC, but I really don't care. 8D

_And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town  
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down  
You say you're fine, I know you better than that  
Hey whatcha doin' with a girl like that?_  
~Taylor Swift, _'You Belong With Me'_

_"Ooh, pookie, you're such a little romantic! Who knew?"_  
~42

_I wasn't jealous before we met  
Now every woman I see is a potential threat_  
~ABBA, 'Lay All Your Love on Me'

_"I'm just saying, you can't have it both ways. If you didn't want Brian dating other girls, you shouldn't have broken up with him."_  
~America Ferrera, _The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2_

_"'Know what, Shep?' Ezra said. 'I feel like that bird. The phoenix. It burns up, then rises from the ashes.'  
I listened, watching him. I'd never heard of a bird like that, but now I wouldn't likely forget it."_  
~Karen Hesse's _Phoenix Rising_

She made her way through the halls of Star Command, frowning determinedly. It was unusual for her to be here, still, at this hour – but there was something she desperately wanted to do before she left.

Someone she had to see.

The only sound was the echoing of her footsteps around the empty hallways, and she realized she'd never before considered just how lonely it must be here at night. How lonely it must be for him… She'd never really thought of that before.

Her brow furrowed slightly. Well. There were a lot of things she'd never really thought of before today.

She rounded one last bend and ghosted through the door at the end of the hall.

During the day the science bay was always teeming with LGMs, all busy with one project or another. Now, however, the vast room held only one occupant.  
It took her a moment to see him – he was lying on a table at the far end of the room, curled up into a tight little ball, his face to the wall.

Her frown deepened. This was not going to be easy.

She took a deep breath and started across the room.

Her footsteps echoed around the walls, but if he heard her approaching, he didn't show it. He kept his back to her the entire time, never moving, never saying a word. Finally she was at his side… And she had absolutely no idea what to say to him, no idea where to begin. She'd been hoping the words would just come once she was facing him, but now that she was here… nothing.

Well, she wasn't doing herself any good just standing here, she had to start somewhere.

"Hey."

It was better than nothing, she supposed.

XR jerked roughly in surprise. His head whipped around in his helmet and he blinked when he saw who it was.

"Oh – hi, Mira." He shifted slightly. "What are you still doing here?"

She tugged at her glove. "I… well, I just wanted to talk to you before… before I left."

She waited, hoping he might offer some sort of response. He did not. She sighed heavily.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

He huffed and turned back to the wall, wrapping his arms tight around his chest. "Oh, yeah, sure, I'm just fine. The only girl who's ever loved me just _dumped_ me, why wouldn't I be okay?"

She gave him a wilted look. It was nothing less than what she'd expected, really, but did he have to be so melodramatic about it all? "XR, you'll find someone else. Trust me. You'll find someone so much better than her."

"Oh, will I?" he said, and started to push himself upright. He turned and swung his legs over the edge of the table, placing his hands palms-down on either side of him. He hung his head and let out a long, drawn out sigh.

"What if I _don't_ find anyone else?" he said quietly. "What if she was the only one for me, and I totally blew it? She… she's the only one who's ever wanted… What if I don't get another chance?"

Mira just stared at him. He couldn't _actually_ believe that! …Could he?

"XR, that's ridiculous. If 42 was the one for you, she wouldn't have left you."

He just shook his head, staring sullenly at his feet. She frowned at him. "Look… I know it's not easy for you to see this right now, but you'll get over her. You will. You'll find someone who will… who will treat you so well you'll forget all about her." And she tried to give him an encouraging smile.

He sniffed. "I doubt that."

She rolled her eyes. "Believe me, when you're ready to start looking again, you'll find someone. Someone great."

He shrugged and sighed exaggeratedly. "Oh, what's the use, I'm gonna die alone anyway." And he started to lie back down.

She rushed forward and caught him by the arms, pushing him back to a sitting position. "Will you stop that? That's not gonna happen, XR, you're going to find someone."

"How do you _know_ that?" he whined. "How do you know there's someone out there for me?"

"Because… well, because, I…"

"Because _whaaat?"_

"Because I just DO, okay?" she shouted, letting go of him and stepping back from the table. "Just… trust me. Everything will work out, you'll see."

For a moment he just stared up at her, looking completely and utterly lost. Then he hung his head once more – but not before she could see that tears were welling in his eyes.

"I don't know, Mira, I…" He sniffled. "I don't think anyone's ever gonna…" And he let out a tiny whimper.

"Don't think that way, XR, someone will, someone will come along who-"

"No one cares about me!" he blurted in a high-pitched wail. "I finally get a girl to go out with me, and even _she_ leaves! After a _day!"_

"XR, you just can't let this affect how you look at-"

"She was the only one who ever… l-_liked_ me, and… and now she's _gone!_ What's the _matter_ with me?" He was nearly sobbing now.

"XR, calm down, everything's going to be-"

"I'll never get another girl to like me!"

"That's _not true!"_

This last echoed around the near-empty room and he looked up sharply, shocked into silence. She could see the tears running down his face and it made her sick – this was all for her, for the little hussy who hadn't even cared enough to stick around, who'd left the minute she'd found something _'better'_ to do, and Mira took advantage of his stunned silence to let go of everything she'd been thinking over the past day.

"Don't say things like that – don't even _think_ them! Why are you putting yourself through all this? Can't you see she's not _worth it?"_ she yelled, holding her hands out in an almost pleading gesture, as if willing him to see the truth of what she was saying.

He stared blankly up at her. "Wh-what d'you… mean?"

"I mean she's not worth what you're _doing_ to yourself!" she cried, a note of desperation entering her voice. He had to understand this, _had_ to. It was so obvious… "She left you… she _hurt_ you! If she really cared, she wouldn't… Do you really want to be with someone who _treats you like that?"_

For a long moment he just stared, slack-jawed, up at her. Finally he dropped his gaze, his shoulders rising sheepishly. "I guess… guess I never…" He began tracing little circles on the table's surface. "I mean, she wanted to… She liked me, she's the only one…"

"But you shouldn't feel like you have to _settle_ for someone like that!" she said, taking a step forward. "Can't you see that? You're smart and funny and… you're… well, you're… sweet… when, when you want to be…" His head snapped up at that and he stared at her with wide eyes. "You're just… you're better than this. You're worth more."

He swallowed hard, then said, slowly, softly, "Why do you care, anyway?"

"Because…" she began, then hesitated. She seriously considered saying 'because I just do' or 'because you're my friend' and leaving it at that.

But the truth was neither of those quite seemed to cover it.

"Because… Because you deserve better than her. You deserve someone who'll be there for you, who won't hurt you or… or walk out on you, someone who's always there for you, someone… someone like…"

His eyes were wider than she'd ever seen them. He stared up at her and as she watched him his expression seemed to shift, something like realization seemed to come over his face and then his eyes widened further, filled with a sort of cautious hope.

"…like you?"

It didn't surprise her so much to hear him say the words. What surprised her was her own reaction. Something that should have made her feel weird and awkward and… repulsed, really, had her feeling strangely relieved. This past day had honestly been one of the worst she'd had since first coming to Star Command; she'd felt things she never thought she would, been caught up in a mess of unpleasant emotions. It was awful to live through, even worse to try and hide it, and to bring it all out in the open was sounding truly appealing.

The simple truth was she'd spent this past day consumed by what could only be described as complete and total jealously.

And she just wasn't going to deny it any longer.

"Yeah. Someone like me."

He gave a tiny gasp, his whole body going rigid. His eyes were wide and round and he looked so… so vulnerable… but so, so hopeful…  
In another two seconds she'd made up her mind. She approached him slowly, measuring his reaction. He sat up straighter, leaned forward… His hands had started to tremble and he gripped the edge of the table.

She stopped just in front of him, steeling her resolve – she wouldn't turn back now, wouldn't let herself. His whole body was shaking now, ever so slightly, and as he met her gaze he did look truly, undeniably hopeful – like he couldn't dare let himself believe this was happening but wanted, so much, for it to be true…  
She reached over and removed his helmet, set it aside… Leaning over, she took his face in her hands and lifted it to hers…

\--

She made her way through the halls of Star Command, humming to herself. These first few weeks of her new job had turned out better than she'd hoped. She'd been truly worried her clingy ex – if you could even call him that – would be after her at all hours of the day, begging her, like he'd done when she'd first broken it off, just to give him one more chance.

She shook her head at the memory. How pathetic.

But that was okay, because all of her efforts to avoid him had seemed to pay off. She steered clear of the science bay whenever possible, made sure not to be anywhere near the launch bay when she knew his team was leaving (the team he'd all but forced her to join, she remembered with a scowl), and stayed away from the cafeteria altogether. They'd never once passed each other in the hall. Lucky for her space rangers kept busy. …Not that she wasn't busy too, she had more than enough to deal with, she'd been right to break it off with him, she just wouldn't have been able to handle him the way things were. She had enough on her plate, her job took up all of her time. She just didn't have free time to spend with a boyfriend, even if she'd wanted one. …Not that she needed a boyfriend, she was perfectly happy with her life. She stayed busy and that was how she liked it. Always something to do. Always somewhere to be.

She shifted the pile of blueprints in her arms, rounding the final curve in the hall before she'd reach her destination…

She froze, gasping in horror.

There he was, her annoying ex, sitting in one of those tacky orange chairs that lined the walls, swinging his legs back and forth and grinning to himself.

She clutched the blueprints to her chest. What was he _doing_ here? Had he been waiting for her? Had he… known she was going to be here?

No, no, there was no way… No way he could have tracked her down… it was just coincidence, it was bound to happen at some point… He wouldn't have… asked around until he'd finally found out where she was, and then come here and… and waited for her… Because that was the kind of thing he'd do, he was so desperate and clingy…

She took a deep, calming breath. It would be okay. She could handle him, she knew it. And if she kept her head down and walked fast enough maybe he wouldn't even notice her… She buried her face in the blueprints, moving rapidly forward…

"Oh… hi, 42!"

She cringed. That _voice._

She lifted her head slightly, forcing a smile. "Hey, XR."

"Haven't seen you in a while," he said. He looked absurdly happy to see her and she shuddered.

"Yeah, well, I've been busy," she snapped, shifting the blueprints for emphasis.

"Oh, yeah, I know. I've been busy too."

She blinked. And he wasn't… the least bit disappointed that they hadn't been able to spend more time together? "Well, that's good."

He nodded, grinning brightly. His legs had never stopped swinging. He looked like a dork. Her LCD eyebrows furrowed slightly.

"So, what're you up to?" he asked suddenly.

Ugh, there it was. She drew herself up to her full height and said in her most important-sounding voice, "I have to deliver these to the LGMs. Concepts for the new Star Cruisers."

"Oh – that's nice." He nodded in an almost disinterested way and she frowned. This was _important stuff_ she was talking about, how could he not care about it?  
…Not that she needed him to care, it was just offensive, that was all. The least he could do was _pretend_ to be interested… "So, what are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm just waiting for someone."

She stiffened, clutching the blueprints tight to her. It was true, after all, he'd been here all along, just waiting for…

"Oh, r-really? Who… who are you waiting for?"

"My girlfriend."

She jumped and nearly dropped all the blueprints. Her eyes widened in complete and utter shock. He had a new girlfriend? _Already?_ He was… over her, so soon?  
"Well, that's… good for you." It was a relief, really – now she'd be guaranteed he wouldn't bother her. Yes, this was a good thing. "That's great."

He seemed to think so, he wouldn't stop grinning. He looked like an idiot.

Well. She supposed there really was no reason for her to hang around. She had better things to do, in any case, more important things… These blueprints had to be delivered before the LGMs left for the night.

Still… Well, okay, she could admit she was just the teensiest bit curious. There was no harm in finding out how well he'd managed to do after her.

"So, what's she like?" Probably fat. Ugly. Maybe it was that stupid desk he used to hang around…

"Oh, she's great, she's smart and fun and pretty," he rambled, his legs swinging faster. She pursed her lips. "She's a terrific ranger, and…"

"She- she's a ranger?" An organic? He was going for _an organic?_ She recoiled from the thought. Ugh, she'd always known he was strange, different, always known hanging around those flesh-pods would be no good for him…

"Yeah!" he said brightly. She frowned. Of course, he would find nothing wrong with the idea. It was unnatural. She shuddered. "She's the best, really, she makes me so happy." His shoulders rose at this last and his eyes became little anime curves of overly-disgusting cute.

42 had to resist a very strong urge to gag. "Well, good for you." Her face hurt from so much forced smiling. "And just when did this happen?"

"Oh, about three weeks ago."

She'd honestly never thought XR could shock her. There simply was nothing extraordinary about him. Odd, then, that when she finally saw him again he was surprising the heck out of her.

Three weeks. He'd hooked up with this chick as soon as she'd left him.

She felt herself smirk a little. Nothing but a rebound, then. It'd probably be over by the next time she saw him.

She stared down the hallway, watching for some sign of this woman… just a glimpse, was all she needed, and then she'd get as far away from-  
"I thought you needed to be somewhere?" he said suddenly, blinking down at her, his head tilted slightly.

Her eyes widened in disbelief. He was – _brushing her off?_ The same guy who just a few short weeks ago was pledging his undying love for her?

She mentally wished his new 'girlfriend' luck as she plastered another smile on her face. "Oh, of course!" she said with false cheer. He seemed not to notice. "I'd better get going, this is important stuff, you know, they need me over there in-"

"There you are!"

That officially did it. Was this some sort of bizarre dream? She was inclined to think so, the way things were going… shock after shock, each one bigger than the last…

Because she knew that voice. Knew it well. It belonged to one of the few organics she'd gotten to know during her short time as a Star Cruiser.

There was no way. No way that dorky, clingy, pathetic little him could get that voice… That voice was WAY out of his league…

And yet there she was. Ranger Mira Nova, one of Star Command's most promising rookies, had rounded the bend in the hallway and was heading straight for XR.

42 froze where she stood, feeling as though she may very well short-circuit from so much new information. This could not be happening, this… this was all too much, too much…

But it was happening, it was true – Nova was at his side now, her hand on his shoulder, and he…

42 blinked up at them. The way he was staring at her… like she was the only thing that mattered in the whole universe…

He'd… he'd never looked at her that way before…

She jerked, surprised at herself for even thinking that. Why should she care how he'd ever looked at her? She didn't need his attention, didn't _want_ it. She'd been getting along just fine without it.

"So, you ready to go?" Ranger Nova was saying.

He nodded eagerly and hopped down from the chair, landing awkwardly on his big, flat feet, nearly losing his balance.

She half-smirked at that. How ridiculous he was, really. What had she been thinking, of course she didn't need him, didn't need that…

They turned to leave and then – and only then – did Nova appear to notice the other robot present.

Her eyes widened, and she seemed to pull back in surprise. "Oh! Oh, hi, 42, I didn't see you there!" she said with horribly false cheer.

_Of course you didn't._ 42 forced herself not to snap, merely to smile and nod. "Well, here I am."

The other nodded back, her smile looking equally forced.

Down by her side XR had begun to tug on her arm. "So, are we going, or what?"

42 shuddered. She'd forgotten just how annoying he was.

But Ranger Nova merely raised her eyebrows at him. "Yeah, we're going," she said calmly, and took his hand in hers.

Completely unperturbed. 42 stared in disbelief. And she actually put up with this? No, no… there was no way… It didn't make sense…

But she was already leaving with him, XR was pulling her off down the hall. He glanced over his shoulder as he passed, and waved, calling, "Well, see ya 'round, 42!"

Nova also turned to wave, her long red hair swinging around her face. "Yeah, it was… um, nice seeing you again!"

Somehow 42 managed to hold her smile in place long enough to say "Oh, you too!" She'd never liked that woman. Nope, never had.

She watched them leave, watched as he brought himself up to her height, watched as he…

She blinked. As he wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. And she watched as Ranger Nova rested her head against his helmet.

She kept watching as they rounded the last curve in the hallway and disappeared from view. For a long moment she just stared at the place they'd been, hardly believing what she'd just seen. He'd never been that affectionate with _her_ when _they_ were going out. He'd never shown her… Well, okay, maybe he had kissed her, once, but… but it was just on the cheek, and she… she hadn't even kissed him back, so… so it didn't mean any… And, okay, there was the moment he'd taken her hands in his, when she'd first gotten a new body, and he'd been so gentle, and… And he'd hugged her, once, he'd… well, TRIED, to, but she… she wouldn't let him, she'd pushed him…

Well, whatever. So he was affectionate. He was also whiny and smothering. She didn't need that right now, she had other things to deal with, other things to do, she reminded herself, shifting the blueprints in her arms.

She took one last glance at the point where they'd vanished and scoffed, turning away with her head held high. Let them have their fun. She had work to do.

\--

She found it funny, she told herself. Funny, that as much as she'd tried to avoid him these past few weeks, now she was seeing him everywhere – no, seeing them everywhere. Because wherever he was, she'd be with him, without fail – talking and laughing in the break room, sitting indecently close in the cafeteria, or just walking through the halls, hand-in-hand. It made her sick, frankly, and every time she saw them together she became inexplicably angry.

But nothing was quite as bad as what happened just two short weeks after her first unsettling encounter with her ex.

She'd rounded the corner into what she assumed was an empty room. Barely a foot inside the doorway she froze completely.

They were there – they seemed to be cropping up everywhere she went – and locked in an embrace.

They hadn't reacted to the soft whoosh of the doors sliding open, or the sharp squeal of her single wheel as she'd skidded to a sudden halt. They stood together in the middle of the room, so close not a sliver of light could be seen between them. Her arms were draped around his shoulders, her hands crossed at his back. His lips moved softly against hers, and his hands… One was at her waist, perfectly still, just… sitting there, holding her close to him… And the other… was at her face, fingers caressing her cheek, moving slowly, deliberately… as if he was trying to memorize through touch every curve of her face.

She stood there for a good minute-and-a-half, frozen in shock, and they never noticed her. Finally she managed to tear herself away, dashing back into the hallway and flattening herself against the wall as the doors slid shut behind her with a soft click. They probably didn't notice that either.

She drew in deep, shaky breaths as she tried to make sense of what she'd seen. His rebound fling was rapidly transforming into something much, much more serious…

And the way he was with her! Every time she saw them together, she had his complete and total attention. The way he looked at her, the way he talked to her, held her… _kissed_ her… In no time at all he'd been able to forget all about his first girlfriend, to move on, to find someone he could be close to… And what did she have? A job, a stupid job that took up all her time and left her none for just herself, for any boyfriend…

She took a deep, calming breath. Even if she had time, she reasoned, her options were slim. There were surprisingly few robots employed at Star Command. There were the Guardbots, but they were only slightly more intelligent than Hornets and no better looking. Then there was – there was XL. Her face scrunched up at the thought. XL, her ex's crude prototype… His twisted sense of humor was almost worse than the unresponsiveness of the Guardbots. And he was no smarter, either.

She sighed heavily, pouting in self-pity. If she could find someone, too, just to prove she could have what he had, just as easily… No one had ever shown her that kind of devotion, no one…

Her eyes widened suddenly and she went stock-still as realization hit her.

Someone _had_ shown her that kind of devotion. She _had_ had that… once… it had been hers, all hers.

Her eyes narrowed.

She could have it again.

\--

She didn't get her first chance until over a week later. Whenever she managed to track him down, he was with her. Inevitably. They hadn't ended, as she'd predicted; on the contrary, they were getting more serious every day. If she stood any chance at this, she had to act fast.

She started taking to hanging around the science bay in the evenings. XR and his… blue friend usually said goodnight in the launch bay, and he would come back to the science bay alone.

So she waited there, leaning against some desk or table, uni-finger tapping away impatiently. Her ex and his… friend certainly took their sweet time saying goodbye to one another… _even though they'd spent the whole_ day _together…_ She only waited for so long – she could evade only so many of the LGMs' invasive questions.– and jeez, she just couldn't wait around for him _forever!_

Tonight seemed as though it would be no different. Most of the LGMs had left and she was just about to follow suit when the door to the science bay slid open. She looked up sharply and smirked, her eyes narrowing.

She watched as her ex wheeled into the room, his hands clasped behind his back, a vacant sort of smile on his face. He'd been putty in her hands, oh yes he had. A few minutes alone with her and that organic would be long forgotten.

She wheeled up to him. _"There_ you are!" she exclaimed.

He looked up at her outburst, eyes wide and utterly bewildered. So simple-minded. This would be a cinch.

He grinned uncertainly, holding out his arms in a half-shrug. "Here I am…"

She moved closer, leaning suggestively over a nearby desk. "So – how are things with you and that… what's her name? Marie?"

"Mira," he said, slowly and clearly, seemingly oblivious to what she was trying to do there. She frowned slightly. Maybe this would be harder than she thought…  
"Great!" he went on brightly. "I'm – well, I'm crazy about her, you know… I really think this could turn into something… something more…" he trailed off, smiling sheepishly.

Well. Not as long as she had anything to say about it.

She went around the desk, slowly, deliberately, and moved toward him, putting as much swing into her single-piece hip as she could manage.

"That's great. That's really great," she said in a low voice.

He'd picked up on the change in her attitude, her voice – good, that would make this easier – and was backing away nervously now, his smile gone. "Yeah, I… I think so…"

She grinned to herself. This was fun, watching him sweat. …So to speak…

"B-but… but you're okay, right? I mean… you're not upset about…" he stammered, rather amusingly. "I mean… you broke it off with me, you… You're doing okay, right? This is what you want, right?"

There it was. She knew it, all along – knew he still cared about her.

"Of course, XR – this is just what I want."

His smile had returned, a tense, weak shadow of its former self, and he chuckled nervously. "Well – g-good, then, I… I should be getting to… I mean, you should… you… guess I'll say goodni-"

"You know, you're not what I thought you were," she whispered, cutting across his annoying blabber. "You're exciting."

"O… kay…" he said shakily. He'd finally backed into the wall, visibly uncomfortable, and had nowhere to run. Perfect.

"You know, we had something special, you and I," she said, lowering her voice even further as she approached him. "I was the first one, remember… the first one who cared…" And she put her hands on his shoulders. His engine began to rev.

"F-forty-two, what…?" he began nervously, but she pressed one uni-finger to the space on his helmet just above his lips – not quite the right way to do it, but the effect was the same and he clammed up immediately.

"I never knew you could be so… _romantic,"_ she crooned, leaning in closer. He attempted to flatten himself further against the wall. She lowered her eyelids seductively, her lips curling into a smile. "You're… exciting, you're passionate… You are deserving of me, after all."

The shock, the disbelief, the discomfort, began to melt away and to her great surprise a flash of anger crossed his features.

She blinked, her smile faltering. What… what had she said? Mmm, maybe she needed a different tactic… but what…

He provided one for her. "Hey, l-listen," he said, his voice stronger, more assertive, "I'm with Mira now, and-"

Perfect. She laughed derisively. "Oh, come _on,_ XR! She's not one of us! You deserve someone your own kind! You can't honestly think that… filthy _organic_ can make you happier than I can, do you?"

Apparently this was not the right road to go down. He was instantly angrier than she'd ever seen him; his brow furrowed, he frowned so deeply little creases appeared in the metal at the edges of his lips.

"Don't talk about Mira like that," he said, and now his voice was low, and dangerously close to a growl, and he was trembling slightly. Her eyes widened – this was not going well at all, she needed to turn it around, and fast – as he pointed accusingly at her. "You take that back right n-"

She acted quickly, almost instinctively. She threw her arms around his neck, holding herself close against him and whispering "Kiss me… I'll remind you how good it was…"

She fully expected him to melt into her arms, to kiss her and hold her and tell her he was leaving whats-her-name and coming back to her.

Instead what she felt were his hands, surprisingly strong, close around her wrists… The next thing she knew he had pushed her away from him, shoving her back with such force that she swayed on her single-wheel 'foot' and fell, flat on her back.

She pushed herself up slightly, a searing pain shooting up and down her back panel, and stared in wide-eyed disbelief. XR stared back, shaking with rage, his hands balled into fists.

"How good it was? How good it was?" he repeated furiously. "How can I remember how good it was when you never – never, not once, the whole time we were together! You left me, remember? I gave you the chance to know me, and… and you _blew it!"_

42 blinked up at him, utterly scandalized. Her stunned silence emboldened him and he pressed on, leaning forward and brandishing a finger at her.

"And I'll tell you something else, missy – Mira does know me! She understands me and she cares about me! Which is more than I can say for _you,_ you… you…" He frowned, his face screwed up in concentration as he tried to think of a bad enough label for her. Finally he shook his head, taking a different track entirely.

"So how dare you… HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT HER LIKE THAT?" he cried, his voice rising from a whisper to a shout in one sentence. "You've got nothing on her, you know that? Nothing! And you… After everything you've done, you actually expect me to just… Seriously, you might wanna see Dr. Animus about that," he finished in an angry grumble.

She gasped in shock and hurt. His expression flickered but he showed no regret; his anger seemed to be fizzling out – or he'd just run out of things to say – and he began to turn away, scowling deeply.

"So just do us both a favor and stay out of our lives," he muttered.

And he stormed out of the science bay, not sparing her a backwards glance.

\--

He wound up in the break room, still full of pent-up anger and frustration, and with an aggravated growl he went for the vending machine and began to pound at it.

He was so caught up in his tantrum he didn't notice at first when Mira entered the room.

"Oh – hey, there you are, I forget to tell y…" She stopped, watching his unrelenting attack on the vending machine. Her lips curved into an amused smile. "Wow… what did it do this time?"

He swung a particularly forceful kick into the side of the machine, then turned to face her. "I don't _get her!"_ he yelled.

Now Mira looked confused. "Who?"

"42! What could she _possibly_ have been thinking?"

Mira's eyes widened, then she frowned slightly. The temperature seemed to drop a few degrees and through his anger he couldn't help but be a bit amused by that – Mira had never liked 42, and the possibility that someone so wonderful, so out of his league, could be jealous of an old flame cheered him even in his current state.

"She's just – so _weird!"_ he persisted, clutching his hands to his helmet. "What, now that she can't have me, she suddenly _wants_ me? I don't understand! She's too confu-"

"Wait, wait – what do you mean, she suddenly…? What happened?" Mira asked urgently, and the look in her eyes was one XR had never quite seen before. She looked anxious and – he winced – and angry, and… was it… afraid?

He shrank a little. "She… she just hit on me…" he said, his voice losing some of its earlier conviction.

Mira's eyes grew wide. "She – she _what?"_

Ooh boy. He hadn't thought this through. Hadn't even considered what Mira would do if she knew what had happened, hadn't been thinking clearly when she'd first walked in the room… And oh, man, what if she thought… if she thought he had… No, no, he wouldn't let her think that, _couldn't,_ wouldn't let himself lose the best thing that had ever happened to him…

"I- I don't know how it happened!" he cried, and was surprised to hear his voice sounded suddenly pleading. "I… She… I just walked into the science bay, and there she was, I wasn't expecting… and she… she was suddenly…"

He seemed to be at a loss for words as to what exactly she suddenly was. That was perfectly fine with her, she really didn't want to hear about… anyway… "Well, what… what did you do?" she pressed.

"I told her off!" he shouted, and she noticed the anger creeping back into his tone. "I mean… I didn't… I don't know what she expected, honestly, like I'd really go back to her." And he gave a hollow laugh, crossing his arms over his chest.

She felt herself relax. It was absurd really, and frankly it startled her – she'd never pegged herself as the jealous type – but, well, she reassured herself, it was only natural, it'd only been a few weeks since they'd started going out, and the memory of how head-over-heels he'd been for his first 'girlfriend' still burned fresh in her mind. It was only natural to be a little worried, she tried to tell herself.

"Oh… oh, I… that…"

"After all she _did to me?_ Ha, yeah, right, like I'm really going to set myself up to be hurt like that again," he scowled, shaking his head.

Her eyes widened. Here he was, repeating back to her the same words she'd told him all those weeks past… it seemed ages ago, that night she'd stood with him in the science bay, and told him everything, comforted him, offered him everything she could think to make him feel better… the night they'd shared their first kiss…

She shivered slightly at the memory. It certainly stood out to her, as she hoped it stood out for him… But to hear him say for himself all the things she'd tried so hard to convince him were true… She must've… she must've really made an impression on him, after all…

"I mean… I mean, what _was_ she thinking?" XR continued to ramble. "I don't get it! She had her chance, she… when we were going out, she never… never even _tried_ to… and now she suddenly wants… I don't _get it…"_

"Well, XR, some girls are just like that," Mira muttered dryly, crossing to the table and sinking into a little orange chair.

He looked up at her, tilting his head slightly, and seemed to be studying her.

"You're not like that," he said finally.

She felt the heat rise in her face as she remembered the day XR and 42 had met, the way she had reacted. "Oh, I… I don't…"

"You're _not,"_ he said firmly. His arms had uncrossed and he was making his way towards her, slowly. "You've never been fake around me, ever since I've known you."

He sounded so… so genuinely grateful for that simple little fact, and she could think of nothing more to say than "Well, I… I don't want to hurt you, I…"  
"I know," he whispered. He was at her side now and he brought himself up to her level, leaning over and folding his arms over the edge of the table.

She could feel her face growing ever warmer as he watched her, then, the way he always looked at her… as if he couldn't get enough of her, as if he would be content just to stay here, forever, so long as they could be together… That was what he'd wanted, all along – to be close to someone, to have someone who would care…

"XR, I… I'm sorry…" she stammered, rubbing her arm.

He blinked at her. "Why are you sorry?"

She rubbed the back of her neck. "I just… I'm sorry she's… not what you hoped she was."

He stood silently for a long moment, just watching her, and the intensity of his gaze was so strong she glanced away, staring at the table, her face burning.  
"It doesn't matter," he finally said, so softly she just barely heard him.

She looked up sharply. "What?"

"It doesn't matter what I thought she was," he said, shrugging lightly. "You're everything I always thought you were."

Just when she thought he couldn't possibly surprise her any more. Ever since they'd started going out he'd been so sweet, so… so thoughtful, and… and more attentive than she ever could have imagined. She found she rather liked it; it was a side of him she'd never seen before…

Well… Okay, so maybe it wasn't all that surprising… after all, when he was with 42 he'd given her everything he could, treated her with love and respect, stuck by her even when everyone else thought he was crazy…

Maybe she'd known this about him all along.

"So… we're okay, right?" he said, watching her anxiously.

He was so cute, the way he cared. She nodded and smiled back. "Absolutely."

He grinned in that adorable little way of his, reaching out to run his fingers through her hair. The touch was soft and gentle and she shivered slightly. He made it easy to want to be around him, he really did, and she held out her arms to him. His face lit up and he moved in immediately, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her shoulder. He held her close, as if he never wanted to let her go – and he wouldn't have to, she mused as she put her arms around him. It came so naturally, now, after weeks of being with him… She grinned to herself as she thought back again to that first night in the science bay, how anxious she'd been, how hard she'd though it would be, to tell him everything, to go from friends to… more than…

She sighed, closing her eyes and leaning her head against his helmet. No… No, this was easy.

\--

She made her way through the halls of Star Command, frowning slightly. She'd taken special care to avoid the pair of them ever since XR's little… outburst.

It had taken her a while to recover from the shock of that evening. No one had ever said no to her before… _he_ certainly never had… and after he'd left her there, alone, in the science bay, she'd stared after him for a long, long time, turning things over in her mind, working out what she should do next.

It'd been a while before she'd come to the conclusion that she didn't need to do anything else. If he said no to her, that was _his_ loss, not something with which she needed to concern herself.

The next day she'd seen the LGMs about the damage to her back panel – quite a sizeable dent. She'd told them she'd tripped, it was far less harmful to her pride, and the painful examination that had ensued made it easier for her not to want to go after XR again. She didn't need someone who treated her that way.

She scowled at the memory, too absorbed in her thoughts to notice much where she was going. When she rounded a bend in the hall and heard voices she looked up, then froze in her tracks.

Didn't it just figure.

Her ex and his new girlfriend were sitting there, in those tacky orange chairs that lined the walls. They were just sitting… sitting and talking… and he was holding one of her hands in his and rubbing his thumb back and forth over it.

She frowned. Well, maybe if she kept her head down and walked fast enough, they wouldn't see her…

Then again, this could be good for her… Get some closure, save some face – make sure he remembered her as a strong, independent woman who could do just fine without him.

She wheeled right up to them, her face already working into a horribly false smile.

"Hi, XR!"

He looked up sharply, dropping Nova's hand in his shock. He swiveled around in his seat, clutching the sides of the chair and pushing himself up against the seat back. She barely refrained from rolling her eyes at his dramatics.

Shock quickly gave way to anger and he slid sideways in his seat, putting one arm around Nova. She'd put her hand on his shoulder and was glaring down at 42, not even the slightest trace of friendliness on her face.

Oh, it just figured. Figured he'd go blab to her about what had happened. Honesty and trust and all that. He was just the _perfect little boyfriend,_ wasn't he.

42 felt the smile drop from her face. Well, if they didn't feel the need to pretend, neither did she.

"42, what are you doing here?" XR said, his tone as neutral as the look on his face would allow.

She waved one hand lazily. "Oh, I was just on my way to…" She stopped, blinking. Where _had_ she been going? She couldn't remember…

But now they were both watching her suspiciously, especially Nova, and she frowned. Oh, honestly, nothing had even _happened…_

"I was just passing through," she grumbled, glowering up at them.

"Okay, bye-bye then," Nova said shortly, pulling XR closer to her.

42 pursed her lips. She knew she'd never liked that woman.

"You take care, 42," XR added, just as coldly.

42 frowned. Well, fine, then. She certainly didn't need this. She could take a hint, could tell when she wasn't wanted.

"Well. I guess I'll see you around," she said flatly, though she truly hoped she wouldn't – and by the looks on their faces, neither did they. She paused, then added listlessly "I hope you two are happy," not even attempting to sound as if she meant it.

Her lack of sincerity didn't stop XR from breaking into a ridiculous grin, pulling Nova closer to him and putting his head on her shoulder.

She rolled her eyes. He was truly oblivious.

And she didn't need that.

She inclined her head towards them, ever so slightly, then turned and continued down the hall. She swore she could feel Nova's gaze on her as she left, and just before she turned the corner out of earshot she heard them start to whisper – probably nasty things about her.

She tuned out their voices, turning away with her head held high.

So what if he was with… with _her._ She didn't need him, didn't _want_ him. She'd be fine without him. She'd done it so far, she could keep on doing it. Besides, she'd find someone else.

After all, if he could do it, she certainly could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole story started from two lines of dialogue:  
_"Because… Because you deserve better than her. You deserve someone who'll be there for you, who won't hurt you or… or walk out on you, someone who's always there for you, someone… someone like…"_
> 
> _"…like you?"_
> 
> Also _"Kiss me - I'll remind you how good it was,"_ is from Monster-In-Law. I was having trouble with the scene, and when I put that in, it just made the rest of the scene flow.


	13. 38. Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> XR comforts Mira after a particularly stressful mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the events of "Zoo Out There."

_Seems to have no effect, doctor._  
_Well – get me another one. Get me ANOTHER ANIMAL!_  
_(look Professor, they dance up and down, just like Elvis!)_  
_Fine, if you could just put him…_  
_Strap him down, if he moves! Medicate him!_  
_MEDICATE HIM!_  
~Robin Williams, _'Batty Rap'_

_If I was the one who was loving you, baby_  
_The only tears you'd cry would be tears of joy_  
~Ruff Endz, _'If I Was the One'_

She was in the break room. Sign number one that something was wrong. She typically didn't stay here this late – on any typical day, she'd be gone by now.

But this hadn't been a typical day.

No, there was a reason she was still here at this hour. She only lingered on the station if something was nagging at her mind.

If something was bothering her.

He peered around the corner into the room, just watching her for a moment. Every move she made was so graceful, so effortless – she made everything look easy, he could have just stood there and watched her forever.

But he desperately wanted to talk to her.

Because he'd noticed she was getting a drink from the new coffeemaker at the end of the room. He knew for a fact she didn't like the coffee here. She preferred that fancy… whatever it was called… Star-something they had back on Capital Planet. There was only one reason she'd be drinking this coffee.

If she was truly, genuinely upset.

He himself wasn't feeling any better than she looked at the moment. The day's events kept playing over and over in his mind, burned into his thoughts.

It'd honestly been the most painful thing he'd ever had to witness. His beloved Mira strapped to a table, unable to move, unable to escape… It must've been especially torturous for her, knowing that under normal circumstances she would easily have been able to get away. He'd never seen her look that way before, never, not once, the way she'd looked then. The proud defiance he knew so well in her had been gone, completely, and she'd stared around her in subdued silence, eyes wide and worried and fearful… So scared… He'd never seen her look so scared before…

He scowled deeply. _The Clorm scientists… If he_ ever _saw them again…_

He stared up at her a moment longer, taking in the simple sight of her, just walking around, finally free. She seemed somehow more beautiful tonight, more precious, just knowing… knowing how close he'd come to…

No. No, he couldn't bring himself even to finish the thought.

He couldn't be alone with his thoughts any more.

He moved forward and knocked timidly on the side of the door frame, wincing when she jumped and whirled around frantically at the sound. Just who did they think they were, exactly, where did they come off treating her like that…

Her expression relaxed and she sighed heavily when she saw who it was, her hand going to her chest. He eased into the doorway. "Mira? You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine, XR," she muttered, entirely unconvincingly. She didn't invite him to join her, but she didn't ask him to leave, either – and when she crossed the room to slump into a chair at the small round table and buried her face in her hands, he wheeled slowly into the room, making his way towards her.

Her voice… she sounded just as she had all those hours ago – it seemed like a different day entirely – when the Chlorms had her, trapped, when they'd turned the applicator on her… He'd never heard her sound so hopeless – there hadn't been a shred of fight left in her and that had scared him, truly frightened him. The defeat in her voice had been actually, physically painful to hear – it had made him want to rush forward and tell her, tell her that he had a confession, too, that he had something he needed to say to her, before it was too late, before he never got the chance again…

But he hadn't. He hadn't rushed forward, hadn't spilled forth his greatest secret, hadn't done ANYTHING… He'd just stood there, silent and still, and watched as she'd nearly been…

"Mira," he whimpered, his voice thick with tears. He was at her side now and he wanted, more than anything, just to reach out and hold her, convince himself that she really was here and safe and fine, reassure himself that he wasn't going to lose her. "Mira, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

She lowered her hands slightly, glancing down at him. "Why are you sorry?" she said dully. "You didn't do anything."

He shuddered. _Didn't do anything…_ Boy, wasn't that the truth. Guilt threatened to overwhelm him as he remembered, yet again… He'd been to cowardly to speak up, to stop them, to do _anything,_ anything at all, to protect her, to stop her from being…

"But – but I could've… I dunno, done _something,_ I… I mean, _golly,_ Mira, y-you… you could've been-!" He stopped sharply. Saying the words was no easier than thinking them and he choked back a fresh wave of tears.

He regretted his outburst instantly. A pained look crossed her features, her shoulders tightened, her whole body went rigid – she turned away from him and bit her lower lip, which had started to tremble.

Mentally he kicked himself. What had he been thinking, making her relive that, reminding her how close she'd come to… to… to _dying…_

He wanted to… _needed_ to apologize to her. He clambered up into the seat next to hers, stretching his hands out over the table. His mouth opened but no words came out… What could he say, what could he possibly say that wouldn't upset her further…

Before he could think of anything, she took a long, deep breath, then turned to him and gave him a very, very sorry attempt at a smile. "Don't worry about it. It all worked out, I… n-nothing, nothing happened, and I… I'm fine, really."

She didn't sound fine. Not at all. "Mira, I'm really sorry, really…"

"Don't be," she said, the smallest amount of authority coming back into her voice, and he snapped his mouth shut, almost automatically. Her eyes were wet and she looked away from him again, putting more attention than was strictly necessary into stirring her coffee. He bit his lip, thinking hard, trying to come up with some wonderfully sensitive phrase to take all this away, make her happy again, see her smile… he missed her smile…

"I mean, I understand. You didn't have a choice," she said suddenly.

His head snapped up in surprise and he stared, wide-eyed and confused. "I-I… I don't…" he stammered weakly.

"That belt," she said with a half-shrug, half-nod. "I know you wanted to help us. And you did, in the end, you… you really came through for us." Her voice sounded oddly hollow; something even she seemed to register, because she sighed heavily and straightened in her chair, and when she spoke again her voice was just a bit stronger, a bit clearer. "I understand, really. You couldn't help what you were doing. What they were making you do."

This really wasn't making him feel any less guilty. For all he'd known, she was about to be… well… and he had done nothing – nothing! – to stop it. True, if he had tried anything, anything at all, he'd have been shocked… tortured… but that was no reason, no reason to stand there like an idiot… He still retained his own thought processes, after all, retained the ability to act of his own accord… painful as it might have been… He should've done something, COULD have done something; after all, it hadn't been like the time…

He shivered. But that was a different story entirely. He wouldn't make this about himself and his problems, this was about her, and all she'd been through today…

He shook his head. "That's no excuse," he moaned.

"Actually, it kind of is," she muttered, staring into her coffee. "None of use could really help what we were doing."

He blinked up at her. He had absolutely no idea what she was talking about and confusion distracted him from his guilt. "Wh… what d'you…?"

"The photon whips," she said softly. Her hand stopped stirring and her eyes closed tight against the memory. "I didn't have a choice… I had no control over what I was doing. I had to do what they told me, I couldn't… It was just so… It made me feel so…"

"Yeah. Yeah, I know exactly what you mean," he mumbled. She didn't need to explain, he knew all too well how it felt not to be able to control his own actions. It was frustrating, unnerving… confining, infuriating, terrifying.

She looked up at him then, and her eyes were full of sympathy. "It's not your fault. It really isn't, I know how annoying that belt must've gotten, it… it couldn't have been easy for you to disobey."

It took him a moment to realize what she was talking about. "Oh… oh, I… I actually wasn't thinking about that," he said with a weak, nervous half-laugh.

She blinked at him, and now she was the one who looked confused _(well, it was better than seeing her hurt),_ tilting her head slightly. "What were you thinking about?"

He hesitated, wringing his hands. He didn't want to talk about this, didn't even want to be thinking about it, it was too painful… And yet… well – it seemed to be distracting her from her own worries. He wanted nothing more than to take this all away, make it no more than a bad dream… And if making her forget her troubles meant talking about his… It was the only idea he had.

"I was just, thinking…" His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "About… well, about… about NOS-4-A2…"

Her eyes widened and he realized with a start that he'd never actually discussed his… encounter with the energy vampire with any of his teammates.

He shifted awkwardly in his seat, wringing his hands. Oh man… how to put this, where to start?

"He… he did something, when he… when he bit me, he…" He shivered at the memory but forced himself to keep going. "He took something out of me, he…" he swallowed hard, "…drained me… but he also… he… put something into me, some kind of…" Virus? Malware? Even he didn't know exactly what it had been. And he wasn't entirely sure it was gone, either, he'd never stopped having nightmares about that… that thing… He still saw it, in his dreams, clear as if it had been yesterday… "It told me… He told me… told me what to do… And I couldn't… couldn't even think about it, it… it was like… like I wasn't myself any…"

He whimpered suddenly and squeezed his eyes shut. "It was like… like I wasn't even _me_ anymore. Like I was… like I was outside of myself, watching everything I was doing, and I couldn't… couldn't stop myself, couldn't even think…" His voice trailed off and he bit his quivering lip, squeezing his hands together.

So caught up was he in the awful memories that he forgot for a moment he wasn't alone, and he gasped when there was suddenly a hand on his, soft and warm and gentle.

He looked up sharply. Mira stared back at him, and her eyes were warm and bright and held a level of emotion he'd never seen in them before.

"XR, I… I had no idea it was like that," she said softly, and her voice was full of concern.

He nodded, glancing down at the table. "It was horrible…" he sniffled.

She was silent for a moment, then she said quietly, gently, "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

He looked up at her. Her gaze was full of compassion… She looked truly sorry for what he'd been through…

What he'd been through… But this was supposed to be about her, what she'd been put through… He straightened up in his seat. "Oh… oh, I'm sorry too, about what you… what you…"

She gave a small nod, and for a moment seemed to look past him, to see things he couldn't see. "Well… at least it's over now," she finally said, and her expression cleared a bit. "We don't have to worry any more, do we?"

XR considered this. It had always been difficult for him to believe NOS-4-A2 was _truly_ gone, even after watching him explode… He'd always seemed to find a way to come back…

But it was easier to believe when Mira said it. It had been months since the explosion and NOS still hadn't returned… Maybe this time he really was gone, for good…

And if Mira could be strong and forget, truly move past all that had happened to her… He could do it too, couldn't he?

"Yeah… yeah, it's all over now…" he murmured.

And it was easier not to be afraid, he found, easier to think of it all as nothing more than a bad dream, when she here, when she was holding his hand like this and offering him all sorts of comforting words…

His stomach flipped. He'd come in here intending to make her feel better and instead had ended up whining about his own troubles, and getting the consoling he'd been meaning to give her.

His engine began to heat up and he shifted in his seat, his hands twitching under hers. "So… so, do you feel… are you gonna be…?" he stammered uncertainly.  
She closed her eyes and nodded slightly and to his astonishment and delight, on her face appeared the first real smile he'd seen all day.

"Yeah, XR. I'll be fine." Her eyes opened and they were warm and bright and her smile, her smile was so beautiful…

He straightened up slightly in his seat, unable to keep from smiling back. He loved that smile, absolutely loved it. And her eyes… her eyes really were bright, so bright… bright as stars…

His smile faded. _Bright eyes…_ Wasn't that the name the Chlorm had given her? Oh… mother of Venus… had they ruined that for him, forever?

"Well, I guess I'll get going," she said suddenly, making him jump. She stood and moved to his side of the table. She placed her hand on his shoulder and her hand was so warm, so warm… "But… listen, XR – thanks for… for coming to talk to me." Oh, that smile. He'd missed that smile. Missed it so much.

And it was back because of _him,_ because he'd actually been able to make her happy. He'd helped her out, done something good, for her.

He beamed back at her. "Anytime."

She gave him one last smile and squeezed his shoulder gently, then turned to leave. He swiveled around in his chair, craning around the side of it to watch her go, knowing that things would be better in the morning. That she'd be better, knowing somehow that he'd see the confidence and strength he'd missed from her today.

He sat back in his seat, grinning broadly, hardly able to believe the exchange that had just taken place. Who would have guessed a day that had been so terrible could end so well.

And it was then that he noticed it. She'd left her coffee behind, she'd – he sat up slightly, peering into the Star Command mug – she hadn't even touched it…

He slumped back in the chair, smiling to himself. No, nothing had been ruined. Nothing at all.


End file.
